Lately I feel like a bottomless pit. Even with eating more whole foods, fats, and a balance of nutrients, my body is still not often satisfied. Sometimes I even feel like I could eat all day long.
Obviously I can’t do this because I have a job and am with my kids the majority of my time, but it makes me scared for the weekend or other down moments like at night when I am home alone.
I’m meeting my meal plan so I don’t quite understand WHY my body is still begging some days for more?
Well, not to get too detailed, but it is a certain time of the month where I guess this could be considered relatively “normal” for a female, but I also did a bit of research and found that often, in periods of recovery, those who once restricted might experience reactive eating.
What the heck is reactive eating?
From my understanding, this is our body’s way of saying “I still need more!” which makes sense because as I have told you many times this week, I was kind of desperate for a little shove forward to actually stay on the track toward health. This was me, telling me, I just might have to increase my meal plan, even though I haven’t yet started to jog.
I haven’t been missing exchanges, or eliminating fats, but I have been ignoring some of the stomach cries that are saying, “I want additional nutrients!!!”
Why haven’t I listened? What holds me back from actually doing the hardest thing in recovery and that is being flexible and letting go of all the control?
Fear holds me back.
The fear that reactive eating and incessant hunger will never stop.
The fear that I will blow up like a balloon and everyone will stare at me or make comments that I won’t be able to handle.
I have written about this a hundred times and combated these crazy thoughts before, so why is it that my brain keeps reverting back to the same worries?
I have put a lot of thought into it because I am really tired of my mind resembling a fast-spinning hamster wheel, 99.9% of the time; especially when its propeller is a whole bunch of negative self-talk, and what I have determined is really simple. These fears continue to occur because they are Ed’s only mechanism of restraint.
Although one might think recovery gets easier with time, occasionally I feel it’s the opposite. I have many more good days now, but when a bad day hits, it hits with full force and can threaten a lot of the progress I have made. But someone reminded me yesterday when they left me a comment that although not all of recovery is about a meal plan, (its about feelings, emotions, control, you know all that important stuff) but nutrition is kind of the backbone.
My reactive eating, or desire for more, is probably the biological way of my body saying, “ok, stop being lackadaisical with your recovery, and push it because you still have a ton of work to do.”
It’s a reminder, and maybe that’s what I need. My body craves more physical activity and wants so badly to be free from the destructive thoughts and all the negatives that come along with being unhealthy, but I don’t do any extra credit to get there.
All week long I feel like a broken record…I need to do this, I need to do that, I need motivation…but the thing is, I HAVE to be that way. It is a CONSTANT battle for me to stay on a path toward health.
Anytime I let my guard down, old habits start to creep back into my life. So forgive me if you are totally bored reading similar stories and the same old woes of recovery, but I think like with all hardships in life, you have to attempt in any way you can, to remain positive. Attitude is half the battle and reframing my negative perceptions (like my anger about reactive eating) is the only way to win the war.
I hope you can carry that message with you, because I promise it helps.
Sometimes looking at the bright side, giving yourself a different perspective, can help turn even the worst of situations toward the better.
I would love to hear your thoughts…
Are you a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person??
Do you ever feel like you could eat endlessly without being super full?
Happy Thursday everyone! One more day until the weekend!