Recovery is like spring cleaning – sometimes it takes awhile to clean Ed out!
Posted Jan 22 2013 10:00am
have always loved the scientific principle that nature abhors a vacuum. I find
comfort in thinking that, before we can be filled up with good things, we must
first create space in our lives for the
good we desire to pour in.-Quote from Beating Ana
In my family, I am the certified
“neatnik”. In other words, I am happier, think more clearly and simply feel
better when the place I am in is neat.
Ed used to use this quality against me.
He would either encourage my perfectionistic side and force me into a cleaning
frenzy, until I would get so exhausted by striving for perfection I would
finally admit defeat and go back to him.
Or (this was his other favorite
strategy) he would clutter up my mind and my life with trivial thoughts and
to-do list tasks, until I was so overwhelmed with junk (mental and physical)
that I literally couldn’t think straight.
When I finally realized that neither
extreme worked well for me, and I started to seek a middle ground instead, Ed
began to lose his power over me. Instead of trying to clean him out all at
once, I just did it bit by bit as each new opportunity arose. In the same way,
instead of letting Ed run away with my mind and my life, filling up my time
with endless rounds of useless information and tasks, I would prioritize and
pick out just a few things to think about and work on, or a few things to do
that were important, and I would discard the rest.
In this way I didn’t Ed so much
anymore. I wasn’t feeling as stretched, incompetent or overwhelmed, and I had
more confidence in my ability to manage my life well without him.
Today I don’t let him help me at all. I
am still a person who loves to have things clean and neat, but it is a
preference, not something that Ed can use to control me. Today, my love of
order and cleanliness is a strength and I use it as such.
can you do – starting right now – to stop letting Ed convince you that your
strengths are weaknesses?