My anorexia began last year and at 5'8'', my lowest weight was under 110 lbs. I was able to get my weight back up to 112-114 lbs through eating a lot more food (I did binge but barely felt guilty.)
Now my weight's back to 108-110 lbs Though I'm not restricting my calories, I have completely stopped eating rice (I'm Asian. So rice is eaten at every meal.)
I eat very little during breakfast and fairly normal at lunch and dinner but during the afternoon, I just can't stop eating! I binge on bread, pastries, chips, biscuits and cookies. I binge almost every day (1000-1800 calories) After bingeing, I feel so guilty and fat.... It's like I've failed at being Anorexic and now I feel like a pig! Now I want to restrict again but I just can't! I just can't stop thinking about food and how delicious it tastes! Food dominates my life! I even dream about eating! I used to eat so little, now I eat sooooo many!
The thigh gap, the protruding clavicles, ribs and hipbones comfort me and reassure me that I AM thin. It's just so hard to be underweight and yet feel like a fat pig!!!!! :(