A few of you brought up the fact that I am the gatekeeper. I am the keymaster. I am the keeper of the keys. I can tell my dad if I want to. This is my story to tell to whomever I need.
But I don't want to tell my dad. I want to protect him. He's been through so much the past few years - his mom (and close friend) suffering (and dying) from cancer; his father spewing venom at him constantly (blaming my dad for every bad decision my grandpa has made.)
But then there is a part of me that wants him to know - who wants everyone to know.
But then, telling him doesn't mean that it will be out in the open. Telling my mom and oldest brother (JJ) proves that.
So I've set a realistic expectation. My mom knows. My other brother knows.
For now, that's good enough.
And if my dad brings up brother, Tom, and it bothers me, I can say something then. I reserve that right.
And it is my right. One that I'm choosing not to exercise, right now.
It's okay.
I don't need to tell him right now. I'm sleeping better (perhaps because I'm exhausted dealing with other things, but still.) I am still managing my ED well - not restricting, not overexercising, not stuffing myself beyond full.
But I don't want to tell my dad. I want to protect him. He's been through so much the past few years - his mom (and close friend) suffering (and dying) from cancer; his father spewing venom at him constantly (blaming my dad for every bad decision my grandpa has made.)
But then there is a part of me that wants him to know - who wants everyone to know.
But then, telling him doesn't mean that it will be out in the open. Telling my mom and oldest brother (JJ) proves that.
So I've set a realistic expectation. My mom knows. My other brother knows.
For now, that's good enough.
And if my dad brings up brother, Tom, and it bothers me, I can say something then. I reserve that right.
And it is my right. One that I'm choosing not to exercise, right now.
It's okay.
I don't need to tell him right now. I'm sleeping better (perhaps because I'm exhausted dealing with other things, but still.) I am still managing my ED well - not restricting, not overexercising, not stuffing myself beyond full.
I'm okay.