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Perfection - Even in Recovery - Does Not Exist

Posted Jul 09 2008 12:00am
For those of you who think recoverED means daily perfection in mindset--especially MY mindset--I just want to say this:

Even when the mind and body are healed and old ways have been happily replaced by new ones, there are always times we still must force our minds to think in a healthy or positive way. It does not always come naturally. Even after time. I just want you to know I'm happy, and healthy, and recoverED, but not perfect.

I think I can honestly say that 90% of the time, healthy and positive thinking comes naturally to me in my recoverED state. It's my life now and it doesn't take great amounts of work. The work has been done and this is the result, so to speak. But there are times I still must remind myself to do things that are right and good and healthy and beneficial. Purposely think of them in order to do them.

To use an analogy I just came up with-- I'm out of the woods now, but I live in a house a mile down the road from it.

Where am I going with this?
Real life example: Saturday morning, I got up,
made a cup of coffee,
and talked with my husband.
I checked my email.
I responded to posts on the forum for which I’m one of the moderators,
I got out of my pajamas and put on some clothes.
I cleaned my house for a couple of hours.
Then I went for a run in the rain.
Then I took a shower.
THEN, standing in front of my bathroom mirror, feeling a little queasy, my eyes flew open and I realized I'D FORGOTTEN TO EAT. I HADN'T EATEN AT ALL YET.

It doesn't happen often at all, but it does happen...those times when you have to actually make your mind remember the right thing, even in your recovered stat. Because old ways are so prominent. 90% of the time I'm excellent at recognizing my body's signals, at eating when I feel hungry, at eating at the appropriate times, at living a healthy life. I mean, something like this little incident probably hasn't occurred in MONTHS and won't occur again for several more months. But there are just those strange little moments, like the one above, when I'm reminded I am not your average woman. I'm a woman who's recovered from anorexia, and I MAY forget to eat before doing a million and one things--including RUNNING for God's sake--simply because I was once in a very different place.

It's not a setback...it's more like blip. A blip of the mind. And no harm done. I ate. I fixed it. But it happens. The face of recoverED isn't perfect. It's just a wonderful reality that has to be achieved.

Love to all.
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