I was talking to two parents a bit ago. They have been consulting with me off and on for awhile about their daughter who has a very serious eating disorder, and has for quite some time.
Since I've known them awhile, I've gotten to watch how they deal with her illness over a period of time. I've watched them grieve, become frustrated, not know what to do next, feel sure they should "do something" next, feel helpless, feel empowered or even excited by a newly discovered idea or resource... a whole wide range of things, all of them expected given the circumstances.
One thing these parents have done really well is learn to pace themselves. We've talked about the difference between "sprint" pacing and "marathon" pacing and they've really taken it to heart and made a practice out of it.
Sprint pacing is just what it sounds like- short-term, pretty much "all-out give it all you have and all your focus" type of pacing. A personal trainer once told me that in general, human beings can "go all out" in a sprint for about 90 seconds maximum, no longer. Emotionally we can withstand more than 90 seconds, but the idea is similar. Sprint pacing can only be endured for relatively brief, time-limited periods. It simply cannot be maintained for long. This level of pacing is appropriate and workable for things like: your child breaks his leg and you need to stay up with him all night in the emergency room while it gets fixed; you have to study for a very big test that's in a week or so; you have a major deadline at work... you get the idea. And part of sprint pacing is knowing and allowing for the reality that after the time period has ended you will need to rest (sometimes we can be completely exhausted after a period of sprint pacing).
Marathon pacing is a different beast, and it also is what it sounds like. 26.2 miles is a darn long distance, and no one, I don't care how strong, young or fast they are, is going to make it that long if they're sprinting. Nope, they'll pass out after... well, after about 90 seconds apparently. Marathon pacing is appropriate for chronic situations, things that may take awhile or a long time to change- or those that may never change no matter how much we want them to.
It's crucial to get this pacing thing down. We have to get ourselves into the right type of pacing or we'll end up in real trouble. People make (accidental, of course) errors in both directions. Sometimes someone will feel he/she is best suited for marathon pacing when in fact she really needs to kick it up to sprint for a bit. Likewise, and this is more common I've found, people think they "should be able to" (you know, if they cared enough, were smart enough, were strong enough... all those nasty things people say to themselves) stay in sprint mode indefinitely. I see part of my job, with both sufferers of eating disorders and their loved ones, as to help people determine and accept (yes, accepting where you really need to be can be quite a challenge, for a few reasons) the pacing type that is warranted for their situation.
One other note- pacing level can change, depending on circumstances. Evaluation of pacing type is a dynamic process (for instance, just because marathon type might be the best one for right now doesn't mean there won't be a period or more or sprinting at some point). Here's again where the scrupulously honest stuff comes in... if we're not honest in our evaluation we'll often not realize what the correct pacing level it.
One of the things that's been so impressive about these parents has been their ability to assess and adjust to different types of pacing along the way, based on how their daughter is doing and what the circumstances are. Because they pace themselves well, they have never become too exhausted (the kind of exhaustion where there's no other option but to give up I mean- the really hopeless kind of exhaustion. These parents absolutely DO get tired, of course they do). And their correct pacing allows them to stay connected to their daughter, to pay attention to how she's really doing, and to be ready to shift gears in any way and at any moment.
We often fall into the trap of thinking that being in sprint mode keeps us the "most ready" to deal with whatever we may need to deal with. In reality, it's being in the mode that best fits our physical and mental/emotional state and our situation that lets us be the most prepared to deal with what comes.
I was talking to two parents a bit ago. They have been consulting with me off and on for awhile about their daughter who has a very serious eating disorder, and has for quite some time.
Since I've known them awhile, I've gotten to watch how they deal with her illness over a period of time. I've watched them grieve, become frustrated, not know what to do next, feel sure they should "do something" next, feel helpless, feel empowered or even excited by a newly discovered idea or resource... a whole wide range of things, all of them expected given the circumstances.
One thing these parents have done really well is learn to pace themselves. We've talked about the difference between "sprint" pacing and "marathon" pacing and they've really taken it to heart and made a practice out of it.
Sprint pacing is just what it sounds like- short-term, pretty much "all-out give it all you have and all your focus" type of pacing. A personal trainer once told me that in general, human beings can "go all out" in a sprint for about 90 seconds maximum, no longer. Emotionally we can withstand more than 90 seconds, but the idea is similar. Sprint pacing can only be endured for relatively brief, time-limited periods. It simply cannot be maintained for long. This level of pacing is appropriate and workable for things like: your child breaks his leg and you need to stay up with him all night in the emergency room while it gets fixed; you have to study for a very big test that's in a week or so; you have a major deadline at work... you get the idea. And part of sprint pacing is knowing and allowing for the reality that after the time period has ended you will need to rest (sometimes we can be completely exhausted after a period of sprint pacing).
Marathon pacing is a different beast, and it also is what it sounds like. 26.2 miles is a darn long distance, and no one, I don't care how strong, young or fast they are, is going to make it that long if they're sprinting. Nope, they'll pass out after... well, after about 90 seconds apparently. Marathon pacing is appropriate for chronic situations, things that may take awhile or a long time to change- or those that may never change no matter how much we want them to.
It's crucial to get this pacing thing down. We have to get ourselves into the right type of pacing or we'll end up in real trouble. People make (accidental, of course) errors in both directions. Sometimes someone will feel he/she is best suited for marathon pacing when in fact she really needs to kick it up to sprint for a bit. Likewise, and this is more common I've found, people think they "should be able to" (you know, if they cared enough, were smart enough, were strong enough... all those nasty things people say to themselves) stay in sprint mode indefinitely. I see part of my job, with both sufferers of eating disorders and their loved ones, as to help people determine and accept (yes, accepting where you really need to be can be quite a challenge, for a few reasons) the pacing type that is warranted for their situation.
One other note- pacing level can change, depending on circumstances. Evaluation of pacing type is a dynamic process (for instance, just because marathon type might be the best one for right now doesn't mean there won't be a period or more or sprinting at some point). Here's again where the scrupulously honest stuff comes in... if we're not honest in our evaluation we'll often not realize what the correct pacing level it.
One of the things that's been so impressive about these parents has been their ability to assess and adjust to different types of pacing along the way, based on how their daughter is doing and what the circumstances are. Because they pace themselves well, they have never become too exhausted (the kind of exhaustion where there's no other option but to give up I mean- the really hopeless kind of exhaustion. These parents absolutely DO get tired, of course they do). And their correct pacing allows them to stay connected to their daughter, to pay attention to how she's really doing, and to be ready to shift gears in any way and at any moment.
We often fall into the trap of thinking that being in sprint mode keeps us the "most ready" to deal with whatever we may need to deal with. In reality, it's being in the mode that best fits our physical and mental/emotional state and our situation that lets us be the most prepared to deal with what comes.