It’s been one year since I officially relapsed. In that one year I’ve lost a grand total of six pounds. But weight doesn’t equate how severe a relapse is, does it?
I remember my family commented on my weight within ten minutes of seeing me last fourth of July. This year, not one comment was said. Whether that’s because they are so used to my thin frame or they figure it’s pointless to say anything, more comments were given to my former obese sister-in-law who has lost about 100 pounds.
I don’t know whether or not I’m happy for her. Maybe I would be if I wasn’t eating disordered and jealous. But I’ve known her for almost 25 years, and she’s always been overweight. Even after having liposuccion about ten years ago, she was never able to lose the weight. Until she found this stupid 500 calorie a day diet and POOF! After a year and a half she looks like an average American woman. Apart of me thinks she’s fucking stupid for following a 500 calorie a day diet because she could have lost the same amount of weight eating 1200 calories a day with moderate exercise. It may just have taken a little longer. But that’s what irks me: everyone wants everything NOW and everyone takes shortcuts to get there. We want immediate gratification so we sacrifice our health in doing so. I’m not excluding myself from this, after all, I do have an eating disorder.
But maybe I’m not really upset because of her choices, because they ARE her choices to make, but maybe I’m upset because I’m just jealous. Haven’t I been trying to follow a similar food plan? Of course. Have I had great results like her? Nope. (And logically I know the reason for this. She had fat to lose and a metabolism to do it. I do not.)
And the conversation that KILLED me was how she said her husband (my brother) said he didn’t like how much weight she had lost and that he thought she was too bony now. Apparently her hip bones stick out now. As I’ve said before, she does look rather sick. She has a healthy frame, but she looks gaunt and tired. And instead of having concern, all I feel is jealousy.
Because for one time in my life, someone else was getting attention for weight loss.