Yesterday was February 1st, which means it's now only a 16 days until my 28th birthday.
You're probably thinking "okay crazy lady, what the H-E-double hockey stick could be bad about that?"
But you're forgetting that I am simply not in any shape to be celebrating a birthday. Birthdays are "look cute" and "have fun" days. I don't look cute and that makes me not want to have fun. The thought of going out with friends for a celebratory bar crawl while wearing my standard black blazer over blousy (stomach-hiding) top as a literal shield covering my roundness doesn't sound fun.
And don't even think about taking my picture. Are you insane? I don't want to look back at my 28th birthday and be like "oh yeah, I was the size of a refrigerator back then, good times" - no thanks.
Birthdays are tricky. Your wonderful friends and family band together to honor you and in periods of highs I've had ridiculously fun birthdays. I'm thinking of a night in Rome several years ago (Laura you know what I'm talking about, ciaoooo) and a particularly drunken birthday at Gatsby's in New York City back when I lived there.
But more recently I've been happier staying in and feeling pouty about aging and rounding out. I always ALWAYS get to this time of year and think "oh crap. I need to lose minimum 15 pounds to even be allowed to advance to the next age. 40 would be better though. Maybe if I eat chicken breast exclusively for the next 17 days I'll look presentable. Maybe I can actually wear a fun dress that doesn't look like a sausage casing. Maybe..." the list goes on.
And then as February 1st becames February 10th and I've not dropped an inch, reality sets in. This is how I look and it won't be any different on February 17th.
It sucks, it just sucks. And I hate using the word "sucks" because we weren't (aren't) allowed to use that word growing up because my mother categorized it under "foul language". But it's the truth and it's February 2nd and the Groundhog probably saw his shadow and I need to go to the gym and I'm going to weigh 165 pounds or more on my 28th birthday.