My eating disorder left a residue. Yeah.. gross.
It’s less of a sticky feeling, more of a haunting feeling. It’s not detrimental. In fact, it’s fairly harmless, but rather annoying and I wonder if anyone else experiences the same.
I am recovered, I eat well, I have a healthy outlook and and all is well, physically. However, I see things differently than those who have never been undertaken by the likes of an eating disorder before. Of course, that makes more than a lot of sense; my experiences have lead me to grow in a certain way that revolved around learning how to take care of myself and – more specifically – where food and nutrition fit into that. Obviously, I see things differently than people who have had different experiences than I, and vice-versa.
What I mean is that I will never be able to look at people only on the surface ever again.
How does that person eat? Are they healthy? Are they active? What brought them to their weight? Do they have an eating disorder? Maybe another disease that effects weight that has nothing to do with food? Have they gotten help? Do they know they can? Do they even need it? Where do they come from? I wonder what their parents are like. What kind of support system do they have?
I find myself trying to psychoanalyze every person that walks by me. I blame it partially on my past, and partially on my addiction to psychology in general. I want to know where these people have been. I’m endlessly curious to know a person’s mental past.
But it’s not just that. I am constantly analyzing the strangest things. I get a little excited when I see a girl buy a candy bar or order a regular soda. I wonder if people think the same when they see me eating a cheeseburger. I mean, so many people have felt they had the right to tell me to eat a few in the past couple years, who’s to say they haven’t stopped thinking it would be “good for me” and are happy to see me actually having one? It’s not that I care what people think, but that it is such a constant discussion that it almost makes me giddy to see it countered.
I’m tired of hearing everything that I do in a day. In the store alone, I hear stories about weights and diets all day from customers and employees alike. I work in a art supply and crafting store and I can’t get through my day without hearing women chatter about how much weight they need to lose and that my manager is too busy to eat a bagel and it’s common knowledge that I work with 2 vegetarians and 2 vegans.
I would think my thought process would sound a little obsessive, but it’s only as constant as the conversation is that provokes it. Why is it so common?I don’t want to fucking hear it anymore.
So, now that I’ve gone off on that tangent… is it the ghost of my eating disorder, or is it our society that’s provoking these thoughts? Is anyone else on this wavelength?
My eating disorder left a residue. Yeah.. gross.
It’s less of a sticky feeling, more of a haunting feeling. It’s not detrimental. In fact, it’s fairly harmless, but rather annoying and I wonder if anyone else experiences the same.
I am recovered, I eat well, I have a healthy outlook and and all is well, physically. However, I see things differently than those who have never been undertaken by the likes of an eating disorder before. Of course, that makes more than a lot of sense; my experiences have lead me to grow in a certain way that revolved around learning how to take care of myself and – more specifically – where food and nutrition fit into that. Obviously, I see things differently than people who have had different experiences than I, and vice-versa.
What I mean is that I will never be able to look at people only on the surface ever again.
I find myself trying to psychoanalyze every person that walks by me. I blame it partially on my past, and partially on my addiction to psychology in general. I want to know where these people have been. I’m endlessly curious to know a person’s mental past.
But it’s not just that. I am constantly analyzing the strangest things. I get a little excited when I see a girl buy a candy bar or order a regular soda. I wonder if people think the same when they see me eating a cheeseburger. I mean, so many people have felt they had the right to tell me to eat a few in the past couple years, who’s to say they haven’t stopped thinking it would be “good for me” and are happy to see me actually having one? It’s not that I care what people think, but that it is such a constant discussion that it almost makes me giddy to see it countered.
I’m tired of hearing everything that I do in a day. In the store alone, I hear stories about weights and diets all day from customers and employees alike. I work in a art supply and crafting store and I can’t get through my day without hearing women chatter about how much weight they need to lose and that my manager is too busy to eat a bagel and it’s common knowledge that I work with 2 vegetarians and 2 vegans.
I would think my thought process would sound a little obsessive, but it’s only as constant as the conversation is that provokes it. Why is it so common?I don’t want to fucking hear it anymore.
So, now that I’ve gone off on that tangent… is it the ghost of my eating disorder, or is it our society that’s provoking these thoughts? Is anyone else on this wavelength?