So, here's a corollary to the thing about growing up, and we've talked about this in various forms before i think, but it's always good to remind ourselves: Life Is Messy.
For some reason we think that if we're doing life right it should be "un-messy" (I tend to blame the movies- where, even when things are tough or painful or chaotic things somehow always look well put together and and "neat"- and I love the movies, but movies do seem to wrap things up in neat little 2 hour segments- probably because if they showed life the way it really is who would pay ten bucks to go see it)
But, geez, life is SO messy. And I don't mean that in a bad way, or a scary or out of control way. It's like finger painting. I mean, come on- there's no way to even DO finger paining if it's not going to be messy! Messiness is inherent to finger painting. And, part of the joy of finger painting is getting messy.
And relationships can be messy- in all kinds of ways. Just to pick one example: I've been having a rather long discussion with a friend. It's been going on several weeks and has many twists an turns as we figure out something in our friendship. It's just a normal transition in the friendship- an evolution in a friendship that's perfectly normal- it's just a normal adjustment. Evolutions can take some time, and they can have various stages, and ups and downs... that's not a sign of weakness in the relationship, and it's not a sign of incompetence in the people involved.
There's an old saying "Rome wasn't built in a day" and it sure applies to life. Things take time, and the road isn't always going to be exactly straight or smooth. That fact, by the way, makes life darn interesting also, so there's a nice by-product :)
If we avoid fighting against the messiness of life things go much better. But we have to remind ourselves that messiness is a normal part of life- it's not an aberration or signal that something's is wrong. (take what I just said in proper context please- if your leg is messy because you fell off a tree and it's gushing blood, please go to the hospital and don't sit there staring at the leg saying "Johanna says that life is messy and that it's all cool")