I've had some of the most productive conversations about parents and eating disorders lately - with people who really do represent the opposite end of the spectrum. For years it was hard to get anyone to really discuss this debate from the other side - the conversation was just between like-minded folks.
What keeps coming up is if you say that parents don't cause eating disorders then you are "letting parents off the hook" for things they may have done wrong. That parents can do no wrong and are untouchable during treatment.
Can I put that to rest? It is so far from the truth and all the proof you need is in how parents like me advocate using that information: to ACT. "Parents don't cause eating disorders" isn't a "go take a nap and feel better." It's a "you didn't cause this so stop cowering and get to work: this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done and you are the difference between success and failure here."
The message "you didn't cause this" goes with the "your loved one didn't cause it either, but all of you have a heap of work to do together, and NOW.