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layers of trust

Posted Apr 20 2010 10:57pm

Oh, trust... it can just be hard can't it? (Ok, that's rhetorical.. I know it can be very hard).

Trusting has so many layers. And developing trust at the deepest layers takes a long time and can be a huge challenge.

If I was going to name to most frequently worked on thing in my work with clients, it would be, hands down, things related to trust. Trust is such a casualty for people who suffer from eating disorders. It's taken such a beating, been so worn away at in variety of ways.

There's trust in one's self, trust in one's body, trust in other people, trust in the world in general...

Most of the wonderful people I get to work with are in one way or another working on trust. Earlier this week I was talking to a client about the layers of trust she's conquered in our relationship. It's been impressive. She's worked SO hard to learn that I'm trustworthy, that it's really ok to trust that I'll be where I say I'll be, that I won't lie or betray her... 

And now, she's at a place where, in order for her to grow further, she'll need to commit to a deeper layer of trust- in both herself and in me. As we were discussing this next layer of trust, this next level of work we can take on together, she said it sounded really hard. I said it was indeed hard- very, very hard. I also said the rewards are enormous.

This next layer of trust has to do with telling herself a deeper level of truth- telling herself more of the truth. She's gotten super good at telling herself and telling me most of the truth. She doesn't lie- not her style, and she's worked hard at telling herself and me as much of the truth as she can. Now she has the opportunity to learn to tell herself even more of the truth.

Yep, it's not easy. But when we find relationships in which we can tell the entire truth and it's safe and stable and we're not harshly judged, it's a pretty cool thing. And, although it's a big challenge to begin telling this new level of truth and developing this new, deeper layer of trust, it does get less difficult to do with practice (as we accrue evidence that it's ok to hang out on this deeper level). 
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