Someone who read the post about being on a new planet and not understanding how it works told me she thought she knew exactly how the planet worked but "just couldn't do" it right.
It made me think more about this planet thing. I stand by everything I've said so far- about how to learn about the new planet and how to give yourself time to adjust and how to be patient and ask questions and not try to do it all alone. I think that's all spot on for what the heck to do once you've arrived on your new "totally awesome" planet (I'm trying to remember the exact term SuperEgg used about her new planet- something to the effect of totally awesome...).
But what if you haven't left the old planet? And how do you know if you've left the old planet, or if you've arrived on a new planet?
Often, when we're stuck on an old planet we don't realize that there are other planets out there- it doesn't even occur to us that we may have options (CHOICE!!!) about what planet we'd like to live on. When we've spent a long, long time on one planet, we tend to think the way that planet is, and does things, and behaves, is the "normal" way.
This is exactly what my client was saying, although she didn't realize it. She actually hasn't left her old planet yet. She can, in a clear moment, get a glimpse of a new planet out there- and it looks enticing and peaceful for her- she can see that she'd fit in there and that the ways of doing life on that planet really work well. But, that's in a clear moment.
Much of the time though she still doesn't get to have clear moments. She's still quite mired in trying to "be good" about the ways of the old planet- trying to do it the way people on the old planet do it, trying to change herself (and in the process, losing touch with what's true to herself) into something that "looks right" for the old planet. Consequently, she spends a lot of time feeling guilty that she can't "get it right" and feeling like a failure and thinking she should banish herself from the world.
As long as she stays on this old planet she'll never have any true peace. While in that world she's stuck with only 2 options: try to be someone other than herself so she can fit in (and this only works for a very brief period of time before it backfires BADLY- and even for that brief period of time trying to do this is costing her tremendously) or be who she really is and face horrible opposition and criticism and misunderstanding. What a couple of really lousy (and impossible) options to have to choose from!
The only way out is to leave the planet to go live on one that's truly hospitable. I know that's easier said than done. I know it requires huge amounts of courage, and effort, and patience, and a good amount of faith and support thrown in there also!
But if the options are to either be on a planet where there's not ANY chance of it ever working, or taking the chance to move to a new planet where it will in fact work....