Health knowledge made personal
 When I was in DC last weekend, I went to the supermarket with my friend L. so we could buy some stuff to make homemade falafel and dairy-free (vegan) tzaziki sauce (L. has a milk allergy). While we were at the store, I saw that some of the super-expensive bottles of Naked Chai Spiced Apple Juice were on sale. I don't know whether I was just super-thirsty, slightly delusional, or just feeling extravagant and wanted to sink $2.50 on a bottle of juice, but I bought it. I stuck it in L.'s fridge for later that night...which turned into the next day at breakfast...which turned into the next evening...which turned into it's time to leave. More than a little chagrined at purchasing an expensive bottle of juice that I didn't drink, I stuck it in my suitcase for the trip home. That juice? It's still in the fridge. And I keep intending to drink it, and I keep "forgetting" or putting it off. The juice has an expiration date, and in the old days, I probably would have just let it sit until it got a little fuzzy, and then shrug my shoulders and throw it out. Actually, in the old days, I never would have bought juice, let alone expensive juice. But the let's-just-wait-till-it-expires-so-I-have-a-great-excuse- not -to-eat-it was Vintage Anorexia for me. And, in a sense, the quasi-outrageous price has been working in my favor. If I dropped fifty cents, or even just a dollar, on some juice, I probably would have chucked it and forgotten about my little delusion that Carrie Drinks Juice. Except it cost quite a bit more than a dollar, and I'd really rather not waste both the money and the juice. I'm feeling guilty for both buying the juice and turning the simple act of drinking into this long, drawn-out drama of Good vs. Evil. It's just juice. It's not a make-or-break anything, yet somehow it seems that way. I am determined to drink it before the expiration date. I know my mom could sit it down in front of me as part of a snack or meal and insist I drink it, yet that half defeats the purpose. I've had juice during refeeding because it was an easy way to get calories in without much volume. But I drank it because I had to drink it, not because I personally chose to drink it. Like most people with eating disorders, I have a "thing" about drinking my calories. I see milk as almost a liquid food rather than an actual beverage, perhaps in part because I usually have it with cereal rather than out of a cup. But the prospect of juice still flummoxes me. Besides the liquid calories aspect, I feel guilty for not eating the apple, which would leave more of the fiber and vitamins intact. And then there's the whole "sugar is killing us" theme that is so pervasive in the media. You know, we're all going to die of TEH FATZ because we drink so many sugary juices and sodas. I haven't really bought into the madness, but it does do a good job of making me paranoid. I guess the ultimate reason behind this post is to try and hold myself accountable to actually have the juice. Healthy Carrie thinks it sounds good and it's an occasional treat and, dammit, it cost $2.50! When will juice just be juice?  |
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