I went to my psychiatrist today, largely because I've been having a really hard time sleeping. I increased my evening snack, which helped. For a day or two. And then it was back to tossing and turning and waking at 4 am.
So I went and we discussed many things, exploring options, and settled on a plan that we both feel comfortable with. I'm adding one new anti-anxiety med because it's been sky-high due to moving, no job coming up, etc. And, seeing as my psychiatrist works out of an outpatient eating disorders clinic, we discussed the ED.
I've been eating well, though I still really have to push myself to eat enough calories, and get a good balance of fat and protein. My long days have caused my energy needs to go up even more, and so grocery bills aren't pretty (though inflation is a lot of it). I haven't used laxatives since I got back to school this spring. I still have lots of body image issues. I like my exercise.
BUT. And this is a large "but"- I've been essentially symptom free. Not 100% always, but quite a bit.
And my psychiatrist said something that has never been said to me before, ever. "You have a really good prognosis for a full recovery, Carrie." She said that being able to go six months symptom free is the biggest and best sign they have. She also warned that anorexia would always be my Achilles heel, and would need close monitoring to prevent a relapse.
No one has ever told me I had a good prognosis before. They would say I was doing good, making progress, etc, but never "
Heh - it looks like you might make it." I know my team back home had faith in me. I never doubted it. But the praise and hopes were very short-term.
The struggle isn't over. The eating disorder isn't past-tense, and neither is recovery. I'm still trying to successfully manage my depression and anxiety, with the former going much better than the latter. Yet I just might be able to say that the worst of this is finally behind me.
And damn doesn't that feel good.
So I went and we discussed many things, exploring options, and settled on a plan that we both feel comfortable with. I'm adding one new anti-anxiety med because it's been sky-high due to moving, no job coming up, etc. And, seeing as my psychiatrist works out of an outpatient eating disorders clinic, we discussed the ED.
I've been eating well, though I still really have to push myself to eat enough calories, and get a good balance of fat and protein. My long days have caused my energy needs to go up even more, and so grocery bills aren't pretty (though inflation is a lot of it). I haven't used laxatives since I got back to school this spring. I still have lots of body image issues. I like my exercise.
BUT. And this is a large "but"- I've been essentially symptom free. Not 100% always, but quite a bit.
And my psychiatrist said something that has never been said to me before, ever. "You have a really good prognosis for a full recovery, Carrie." She said that being able to go six months symptom free is the biggest and best sign they have. She also warned that anorexia would always be my Achilles heel, and would need close monitoring to prevent a relapse.
No one has ever told me I had a good prognosis before. They would say I was doing good, making progress, etc, but never " Heh - it looks like you might make it." I know my team back home had faith in me. I never doubted it. But the praise and hopes were very short-term.
The struggle isn't over. The eating disorder isn't past-tense, and neither is recovery. I'm still trying to successfully manage my depression and anxiety, with the former going much better than the latter. Yet I just might be able to say that the worst of this is finally behind me.
And damn doesn't that feel good.