i won't go into all the details but last night i had something happen that pissed of ed like no other and i say ed instead of me because i don't think i was mad at all...the situation was something that ed had rules about and everything was going against them and he didn't like it. at first i just thought i was the one who was upset and i couldn't figure out why and then i took a second to think and it donned on me that ed was so angry that he was trying to make me so angry and thus ruin everything for me. i'm not sure this is making much sense but last night i realized something huge and i am proud of myself for that. i realized that i don't have to listen to ed. i have a choice to go along with his rules or not and i don't want to anymore...he's been controlling me for way too long and it's time he stops. so fuck you ed. fuck you.