Ive been bulimic for 4 years, and it has taken a great toll on me. I am extremely underweight, i can feel my heart skip beats, my hair is very fragile and thin, and I can't seem to get a grip!
I've tried self help books and inspiration websites, but I'm having the most awful hard time trying to recover. I don't have a relationship with my family so the only person who knows is my boyfriend. I can't medically afford to get any help, I am extremely in debt, I've contacted many treatment centers in desperation but they all have denied me due to financial reasons.
I'm going to die if I keep going, I know it. I don't know what to do at this point.
Dear Chewy, I just signed up for Wellsphere so that I could respond to your message! Because your life is important!..and not just the being alive part but that your quality of life, too.
You have all the tools you need to get better within you. THE FACT THAT YOU ASKED FOR HELP PROVES THAT YOU ARE READY TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. This shows that you have separated yourself from the disease enough to know that it is not your friend, it is not doing you any favors, and in fact, it is holding you back and filling you with anxiety!
Yes, it will take a long time before being healthy comes naturally to you, but the good news is you can stop throwing up TODAY. Take it one day at a time. Focus on fueling your body with foods that don't make you feel guilty and focus on re-establishing a relationship with your body based on respect. Workout and marvel at the machine that gets you through the day, how it is there for you, and how it needs you in return. It is also important to remove yourself as best you can from situations that allow you to indulge in the disease. Eat a healthy meal somewhere you aren't comfortable or don't have access to a place to throw up. Take it one meal at a time. If you can do it once, you can do it again and again!
I have been in your situation. I had terrible, all consuming bulimia for years. It made me a liar and it made me miserable. I ate my feelings and then puked them back up, and I too, felt the damage it was doing to my heart. Asking for help was the first step in my recovery and I was my biggest supporter in getting better. I replaced my unhealthy habits with healthy ones ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Today I am strong and healthy. I know that one Snickers will not make me fat tomorrow and that I can eat fruit and vegetables to my hearts content without guilt. I was sick and now I am well.
Your hair can be shiny again! If I did it you can do it. I didn't have any resources or money. I just got fed up and decided I deserved better, and so do you.
I would say Good Luck but there is no Luck involved. Don't loose one more day to the disease. Fight for your right to be healthy and happy. You are worth it.
Chewy, Please take a peak at my blog. It discusses triumphs, struggles, and provides hope for others who are on the journey to find balance, wellness and self-love. It is imperative that you recover and I know you can do it :-)
I am so glad that you are reaching out. Check out my blog at www.BeComfortableWithMe.com and there are tools you can use for recovery. I'd love to help you find a FREE support group in your area if you are interested. I currently facilitate one and know of many within my community and around the U.S. Keep reaching out.
I know it sounds hard, but sometimes you can't do it by yourself - and that's nothing to do with your strength as a person, it's just that the disease is bad! I really recommend considering inpatient. It will be hard, but it's the fastest way, I think, to get things back into order. Good luck! Don't die! :)
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