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I'll find my way back

Posted Oct 01 2008 5:08pm

No use crying over spilled fruit. I just dumped the entire contents of my morning breakfast which consisted of pineapple and melons into my purse. And since I made sure I put the lid on super tight it leaked all over. My entire purse smells of rotten fruit. Fruit juice and leather make stink. So last night was another late night and I was able to get some more pondering in. I am usually pondering things. Lost in my head, digging into my psyche attempting to unravel all the clutter that is my mind. I enjoy this blogging thing. It helps me catalogue all my thoughts, ideas, worries and light bulb moments! Do you ever lay perfectly still and dare you mind to quit moving? Does the mind ever stop? No, I don't believe it does. So while I was laying there on the couch last night trying to stop my mind and stop my existence for a moment. I realized it is virtually impossible to stop the mind from tinkering. No matter how hard you try you are still trying. There is no way to mentally escape reality and life because you can never really get out of your own head. I think you can get out of your body but you are still hiding in your head. So do we think with our hearts or our minds? Or are the two inseparable, working together as one? What happens when the heart stops? Will the mind suddenly stop as well? I am a very religious person so naturally I believe in the after life. I think we continue living. But what use is a heart if it has stopped beating? What if your heart is void of feeling before you die, are you still cursed in death and unable to feel? Or is not being able to feel a blessing? Sometimes I feel like the tin man, without a heart. But the fact that he wanted one so badly shows we are innately prone to the want and need for our emotions. No matter how empty we feel, the desire to possess them gives us the stamina for life, a reason to keep fighting. In the end the tin man receives his heart only to find he had one all along. So the heart is like the mind. No matter how hard we try to stop the thoughts, to quiet the mind it never stops thinking. No matter how hard we try to stop the pain and unwanted emotions we are never truly unable to feel. We may slow our minds and slow our hearts but they never really stop. We are alive more than we even know! I find it all exhilarating! 
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