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"i eat 33,000 calories a day."

Posted Dec 01 2008 10:09am
Okay, I'm on a pretty hefty weight-gain meal plan, but there is a line to be drawn.

We have all seen them on Lifetime, or whatever; the so morbidly obese, they haven't been out of their beds in over 10 years and needed a forklift to get to the hospital when their body finally couldn't take it anymore. So many people sit and think, "Wow, what fat, lazy, disgusting people. How could you do that to yourself?" and can't seem to change the channel because it is just so amusing to watch people who can't get their life under control. In all fairness, these people put their lives on tv, which is totally their choice.

I never really felt much compassion for them. I mean, I didn't sit and mock them or anything; I didn't feel much at all. Just people on TV and something to watch. Most people just talk about how they love food and can't seem to stop and would like to lose weight, but don't really sound too determined.
Last night, my friend and I came across a show called, "I eat 33,ooo calories a day." It was different. They weren't talking about how much they loved food; they were talking about how addicted they were to it. One man is a self-confessed binge eater who has no idea how to stop. One man was in complete denial and said he had everything under control and only ate two meals a day. When they showed him his day's intake in a buffet-style spread, he refused to believe it, but couldn't sit in front of it for more than 5 minutes before he almost mindlessly began attacking it.
I was really intruiged by one woman, Jackie, who was approximately 500 or so pounds and was on a very dangerous slope. She talks about how she would sit down with a plate of food and nothing else existed for that time. It was as if she were in a "trance" while she was eating and would feel a sort of high for a very short period after before crashing into this intense self-hatred and guilt. I know that trance. I was in that trance every night of my spring semester, freshman year of college.

I always find it really interesting how much the eating disorder is really not about the number on the scale; that's just a terrible side-effect. We gain weight, we lose weight, we binge, we purge, we starve, we hate. An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and it's so painful to watch someone else experience the things that you have.

I wish I could talk to Jackie.
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