“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one of them to say ‘thank you’?”
-William Arthur Ward
Today’s Action Throughout the day, I will find ways to say thank you to others and to my Higher Power. In the past, how did I use negativity as a defense?
Um, while I was active in my addiction, I was a very negative person. I think I’m very pessemistic by nature, so on top of having an addiction, I never looked on the bright side, ever. Going along with yesterday’s post, everyone else’s effort to help me was turned away. Instead of being thankful for what they were trying to do for me, or what they WERE doing for me, I used my addiction as a way to get back at them for the things I resented them for. I would slowly kill myself with starvation so I would hurt my father for hurting me, or simply being a “bad father” (even though now I know he never hurt me on purpose, and he was one of the greatest dads in the world). Even though I’ve made my ammends with him and thanked him for everything he has done in the last six years, I still feel a world of guilt that I don’t think I’ll be able to shake until I forgive myself. Which is a hard thing to do. He’s forgiven me, but that doesn’t give back all the seconds I was completely horrible to him for no reason. Even before my addiction I carried resent for him for unknown reasons. I feel so guilty.