Why would we feel compelled to do things that reinforce horrible and inaccurate beliefs about ourselves?
Well, it's not because it's fun or entertaining to do so. In fact, it's pretty awful. But people with eating disorders (and assorted other people as well) do it anyway. And we know that as a group, they are smart, insightful, purposeful people. So, it must serve some purpose.
I'm not saying it's a rational purpose. But here's the purpose: over a period of time (through no fault of your own) you've become attached to your self-image, the one that's full of all that lousy stuff you guys think about yourselves (I'm lazy, fat, ugly, dumb, slow, weird...).
We all need to feel stable and feel like we know ourselves- and one major way we do that is to be attached to our self-image. We want to feel as if we are the same person all the time, and being attached to our self-image gives this stability. This works our just swell if our self-image is accurate and positive. No problem at all. We get to feel basically ok about ourselves, basically fond of ourselves, basically glad about who we are... But if our self-image is negative and inaccurate... big problem.
But just because our attachment to our negative, inaccurate self-image causes us grief and misery doesn't mean we're able to change it or give it up. We've still become attached and dependent upon that self-image to "tell us who we are" and to give us "guidance" and "structure" (an enduring sense of what to do with ourselves, how to run our lives, how to view ourselves and our place in the world).
Our attachment to our self-image is self-perpetuating, whether it's positive or negative, and we are protective of this image (since it provides us with structure and security). We regularly do things that reinforce the self-image, so if we have a positive self-image we do things that perpetuate the positiveness, and if we have a negative self-image we do things that perpetuate the negativeness.
At the end of the day we all want/need to feel safe, stable and secure (feeling good, happy, calm... these are secondary to feeling safe, stable and secure) and we will go to great lengths to make things feel consistent.
This was a bit of a long stab at an explanation. And it's been a bit of a long day. So, I hope it makes some sense. As always, please ask questions if you have any!
Why would we feel compelled to do things that reinforce horrible and inaccurate beliefs about ourselves?
Well, it's not because it's fun or entertaining to do so. In fact, it's pretty awful. But people with eating disorders (and assorted other people as well) do it anyway. And we know that as a group, they are smart, insightful, purposeful people. So, it must serve some purpose.
I'm not saying it's a rational purpose. But here's the purpose: over a period of time (through no fault of your own) you've become attached to your self-image, the one that's full of all that lousy stuff you guys think about yourselves (I'm lazy, fat, ugly, dumb, slow, weird...).
We all need to feel stable and feel like we know ourselves- and one major way we do that is to be attached to our self-image. We want to feel as if we are the same person all the time, and being attached to our self-image gives this stability. This works our just swell if our self-image is accurate and positive. No problem at all. We get to feel basically ok about ourselves, basically fond of ourselves, basically glad about who we are... But if our self-image is negative and inaccurate... big problem.
But just because our attachment to our negative, inaccurate self-image causes us grief and misery doesn't mean we're able to change it or give it up. We've still become attached and dependent upon that self-image to "tell us who we are" and to give us "guidance" and "structure" (an enduring sense of what to do with ourselves, how to run our lives, how to view ourselves and our place in the world).
Our attachment to our self-image is self-perpetuating, whether it's positive or negative, and we are protective of this image (since it provides us with structure and security). We regularly do things that reinforce the self-image, so if we have a positive self-image we do things that perpetuate the positiveness, and if we have a negative self-image we do things that perpetuate the negativeness.
At the end of the day we all want/need to feel safe, stable and secure (feeling good, happy, calm... these are secondary to feeling safe, stable and secure) and we will go to great lengths to make things feel consistent.
This was a bit of a long stab at an explanation. And it's been a bit of a long day. So, I hope it makes some sense. As always, please ask questions if you have any!