I'm just mentally wrung out right now. I said goodbye to my mom yesterday, and now it's just me and Aria. Who proceeded to walk laps around my bed all last night. A paw in the stomach isn't the best way to wake up. It is, however, quite effective.
I can't tell right now whether I want to sleep because I'm genuinely tired or because I'm avoiding my feelings. I know it's probably a little of each, but damn I wish I could figure out which one was more.
Being on my own- that is, being all alone- is scary. The last time that happened was back in March, where I proceeded to self-destruct and cut myself to pieces. I'm not cutting, nor even having urges to cut. But the silence is quite deafening. I have my iPod blaring to keep the clickety click of my keyboard from echoing across the walls.
Ed is trying to convince me that at least he would be company. Which is funny, because no company is better than his company and I have proceeded to tell him so. Doesn't stop the mangy bastard from talking, however.
This post is really going nowhere. I'm just tired. And confused. And stressed. There are so many little things to do, and it's overwhelming. I much prefer one big project, even one with many different aspects, so that I can get down to business and really focus. Not all of this little piddly stuff involving the removal of cat hair from many upholstered objects, the cleaning of mirrors, the filing of papers, the writing of lecture notes and a syllabus.
It's so hazy outside. I can hardly see downtown from my balcony. It's stinking hot- 95 degrees and humid as hell. I was going to walk down to the cafe that's about 3 blocks from my apartment to maybe get some work done, but I don't know that I want so much sweating involved. If I want to sweat that much, I'll work out, thank you very much.
God I sound pathetic. Whine whine whine. Oh poor Carrie! I'm not feeling bad or depressed, per se . Just a little frustrated and a teeny bit overwhelmed. And I am really really not used to being alone in an apartment. I like my privacy. A LOT. It's nice being able to get up and eat and shower and fart around whenever I feel like it.
It's just so freaking quiet.
Anyway, I have a few more pictures from my move. These are looking out from my balcony towards downtown Baltimore, and then the last is of Aria's latest "hiding spot."