Eating Disorder Recovery is the Death of an Identity
Posted Feb 12 2011 7:52pm
“Sometimes a part of us must die before another part can come to life.”
I read this quote today and thought about how true this was for eating disorders and recovery. I really do feel that 4 years later a certain part of me has died.
While I was in the midst of the eating disorder it was like I was possessed and determined to self destruct. Against my better jusdgement and willpower, I was wired for self defeating and self destructive behavior. I was almost PROUD of it. It was like a “I could care less” attitude that I had to wear with pride, because the alternative would be to face the reality of the hopelessness and despair.
There had to be a death of that persona before I could emerge from the disease and achieve full recovery . There also had to be a ot of pain and struggle because I was ultimately attached to that persona – it WAS me.
But ultimately, the pain that comes with the letting go of the eating disorder, the confusion and disorientation is absolutely necessary. It is a signal that a major shift is taking place. It may happen to us many times over, during different stages of our lives, as we say goodbye to the identity that we formed in order to survive through that period of our lives.
Just remember that some part of us must die in order for another to come into existence,. Have faith that this will bring you to a higher level of growth, joy and abundance.
When I was letting go of my eating disorder and becoming a “normal” eater I faced a massive amount of fear, confusion and disorientation. I was so used to being “eating disordered” – it was my identity.
Its all I talked about, researched, shared and journaled. And then all of a sudden in was gone. I had to be ready for the chage,. To truly accept that whatever purpose that eating disorder served was now complete. I was ready to move on to my next phase in life – that of becoming a normal or intuitive eater , having full eating disorder recovery and seeing what new things the universe would bring me.
There are many feelings that come into play at these times, both grief and excitement, because on the one hand there is loss and on the other there is the birth of a whole new identity and exciting new adventure.
Death and rebirth are a part of the cycle of life. We can do our best to surrender to this, letting go of what is no longer serving is us with an attitude of love and gratitude and then being excited with an open heart fot the next part of our journey in life.
Are you ready to let go of your disordered eater identity and enter the new phase of eating disorder recovery?