Someone was complaining (and rightly so) about how painful the work of therapy has been for her lately.
I couldn't blame her. When she began her work on herself awhile ago she did so out of pure desperation- her life was "a mess" and she didn't know what else to do except start seeing a therapist. What she didn't realize was what she was getting herself into if she really wanted to make the changes she said she did- you know, the ones that wouldn't just "band-aid" her situation, but would resolve it long-term.
She's now gotten to the point where she's seeing the fundamental issues she's going to need to work and and change. It's hard, uncomfortable work. And it requires her to "not know" exactly what she'll do next and where this work is going. She hates that! She's one of those "I want to know what things mean, and I want to know what to do" kinds of people (you guys relate...).
Every time she and I meet she asks me if we're on the right track, if we're going in the right direction. And every time she asks I tell her that we are, that I'm sure of it, and that the proof is that she's getting to know herself better, she understands herself better than she ever has, she's not using symptoms/behaviors as a way of communicating or as a way of dealing/managing her emotional experience, just to mention a few things.
This is all easy for me to say- I'm not the one having to struggle with the enormous changes in world-view and self-view that she's having to address. She's really brave, and I know she'll keep going with her work. Her process these days is a good reminder of how uncomfortable, unsettling, even downright frightening, work on ourselves and change in ourselves and our lives can be. AND, when those changes are there to be made and important to be made, how WORTH it is it to endure that period where we feel so uncomfortable and unsettled.
Someone was complaining (and rightly so) about how painful the work of therapy has been for her lately.
I couldn't blame her. When she began her work on herself awhile ago she did so out of pure desperation- her life was "a mess" and she didn't know what else to do except start seeing a therapist. What she didn't realize was what she was getting herself into if she really wanted to make the changes she said she did- you know, the ones that wouldn't just "band-aid" her situation, but would resolve it long-term.
She's now gotten to the point where she's seeing the fundamental issues she's going to need to work and and change. It's hard, uncomfortable work. And it requires her to "not know" exactly what she'll do next and where this work is going. She hates that! She's one of those "I want to know what things mean, and I want to know what to do" kinds of people (you guys relate...).
Every time she and I meet she asks me if we're on the right track, if we're going in the right direction. And every time she asks I tell her that we are, that I'm sure of it, and that the proof is that she's getting to know herself better, she understands herself better than she ever has, she's not using symptoms/behaviors as a way of communicating or as a way of dealing/managing her emotional experience, just to mention a few things.
This is all easy for me to say- I'm not the one having to struggle with the enormous changes in world-view and self-view that she's having to address. She's really brave, and I know she'll keep going with her work. Her process these days is a good reminder of how uncomfortable, unsettling, even downright frightening, work on ourselves and change in ourselves and our lives can be. AND, when those changes are there to be made and important to be made, how WORTH it is it to endure that period where we feel so uncomfortable and unsettled.