It seems that celebrity gossip columnists are perennially on the lookout for stars with a bump. In this usage, a “bump” constitutes any abdomen that is not concave in form. The latest victims? Jennifer Aniston and Brittany Murphy. File this under reasons to be grateful you’re not a celebrity. True, bump sightings sometimes result in real-life embryos, but in their zeal to predict celebrity reproduction, reporters often jump the gun, creating a baby out of a hearty meal, a form-fitting dress, or, heavens forbid, some additional weight.
It reminds me of last year, when Sandra Bullock responded to a reporter’s query about a possible pregnancy: “It’s called weight gain.” I just loved her “get over it” response.
It’s funny how (in real life) social graces encourage us to avoid the pregnancy question like the plague. Nothing could be worse than identifying a false positive. I remember visiting my veterinarian one day, thinking she was pregnant, but being too afraid to ask (for the slight chance she wasn’t). Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. She was eight months in. I think we’ll know our culture’s settled into a healthy place regarding weight and shape when we’re able to ask the pregnancy question as easily as any other—did you cut your hair? Were you out in the sun?—because the potential connotation of weight gain won’t be the dagger it is today.
Congratulations to all of you—I’m having, as you can probably guess from the size of my bump, twins.