Can guilt be useful? Maybe...
Seems to me it's like so many other words, that if used in appropriate ways can be useful, but if used in ways they weren't intended to be used, or loaded with additional/alternative meanings and implications, can be quite damaging. The word
should is like that... so is tired, weak, slow, aggressive... to name just a very few...
People often seem to use guilt and shame interchangeably; or use the word guilt when they are actually implying shame. I once read something that said something like: guilt pertains to a behavior, whereas shame pertains to the character of a person. One of the big ways we can get into trouble with the word guilt is by having it actually mean shame.
Guilt can be useful as a training tool. For instance, if my good friend's birthday is coming up and I haven't gotten her a card yet, I may begin to feel guilty, as in "oh wow, I really need to get on that right away." If I forget to get the card and her birthday rolls by I'll likely feel increasingly more intense guilt: "oh wow, I messed that one up. Better get that card pronto!"
Guilt isn't a fun thing to feel. So, hopefully the next year when her birthday approaches I'll get the card earlier and save myself some guilt!
My guilt in this hypothetical situation was a result of my behavior, and it
only pertained to my behavior (which was: not getting the card). This is different than feeling shame about myself and the situation. Shame is more related to who I am as a person- fundamentally who I am.
It wouldn't be typical of me to forget to get a birthday card for a really good friend. Because it's not typical, not the usual way I am in a friendship- for instance, if a birthday card is important to a friend of mine I'm probably going to figure that out early on and do my best to make that happen for her or him- if something happens one year and my timing is off and I'm late getting the card, I really don't think it means anything terrible about me. (because, remember that I, as a regular human being, do not have to be perfect).
You guys who suffer from eating disorders I think so often add so much meaning onto the word guilt- and shame about who you are as people is sure one of those added meanings.
I guess, leanonme, my answer to your question about whether guilt can ever be useful is this: if you can use the word literally, accurately and constructively then yes, guilt as a concept may at times be useful, even helpful. BUT, if you can't use the word in these ways, guilt as a concept will likely be hurtful to you. So your job is to be scrupulously honest about how you are using the term.
How's that for a first attempt? I'm not the end all be all expert on word/term usage, so anyone feel free to add onto this :)
And SuperEgg, I love the idea of exchanging music ideas between you guys. I have an addition to your list, from the classical genre: the Solo Sonata No. 3 in C Major (BWV 1005) by Bach. The Largo movement. I suggest this one because to me it is so innocent- good for you guys to practice thinking about- innocence...
Can guilt be useful? Maybe...
Seems to me it's like so many other words, that if used in appropriate ways can be useful, but if used in ways they weren't intended to be used, or loaded with additional/alternative meanings and implications, can be quite damaging. The word should is like that... so is tired, weak, slow, aggressive... to name just a very few...
People often seem to use guilt and shame interchangeably; or use the word guilt when they are actually implying shame. I once read something that said something like: guilt pertains to a behavior, whereas shame pertains to the character of a person. One of the big ways we can get into trouble with the word guilt is by having it actually mean shame.
Guilt can be useful as a training tool. For instance, if my good friend's birthday is coming up and I haven't gotten her a card yet, I may begin to feel guilty, as in "oh wow, I really need to get on that right away." If I forget to get the card and her birthday rolls by I'll likely feel increasingly more intense guilt: "oh wow, I messed that one up. Better get that card pronto!"
Guilt isn't a fun thing to feel. So, hopefully the next year when her birthday approaches I'll get the card earlier and save myself some guilt!
My guilt in this hypothetical situation was a result of my behavior, and it only pertained to my behavior (which was: not getting the card). This is different than feeling shame about myself and the situation. Shame is more related to who I am as a person- fundamentally who I am.
It wouldn't be typical of me to forget to get a birthday card for a really good friend. Because it's not typical, not the usual way I am in a friendship- for instance, if a birthday card is important to a friend of mine I'm probably going to figure that out early on and do my best to make that happen for her or him- if something happens one year and my timing is off and I'm late getting the card, I really don't think it means anything terrible about me. (because, remember that I, as a regular human being, do not have to be perfect).
You guys who suffer from eating disorders I think so often add so much meaning onto the word guilt- and shame about who you are as people is sure one of those added meanings.
I guess, leanonme, my answer to your question about whether guilt can ever be useful is this: if you can use the word literally, accurately and constructively then yes, guilt as a concept may at times be useful, even helpful. BUT, if you can't use the word in these ways, guilt as a concept will likely be hurtful to you. So your job is to be scrupulously honest about how you are using the term.
How's that for a first attempt? I'm not the end all be all expert on word/term usage, so anyone feel free to add onto this :)
And SuperEgg, I love the idea of exchanging music ideas between you guys. I have an addition to your list, from the classical genre: the Solo Sonata No. 3 in C Major (BWV 1005) by Bach. The Largo movement. I suggest this one because to me it is so innocent- good for you guys to practice thinking about- innocence...