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Arielle's Word of the Day #9: LOGICAL

Posted Jun 09 2012 12:00am
Today, since it seems so fitting, I decided to share with you yet another poem I wrote 9 years ago, when I was still struggling with my eating disorder, but was in recovery, trying so hard to fight my way out of a bad place. The poem below is called LOGIC and the message seems pretty clear. (And the "you" to which I refer in the poem is clearly Logic.)

LOGIC

I ask myself such questions
Like “Am I okay or not?”
Unwilling to give myself
Or my own mind a shot.
*
I let It claw at me with nails
That could cut without much force;
I let It strangle me with passion
And I scream until I’m hoarse.
*
You try to pull me back,
Keep me safe from all It’s pain,
But sometimes I look away from you
And It just snatches me again.
*
You tell me I can beat It
And I know that this is true…
It has no power over me
If I’m with someone like you.
*
I know you try to help me
And I argue and I cry…
I wish I could explain It;
I wish I could tell you why.
*
I want to cling on tightly
And make you save me from it all,
But no matter how I try
It’s inevitable that I fall.
*
I know I’m disappointing
And I know I must be strong,
But it’s hard to give up something
That has held you for so long.
*
One day I will be rid of It;
It will be all in the past--
It’s something I’ll break free from,
But you’re something that will last.
*
It’s the last thing I should choose
And it’s the last thing I should do;
I keep holding on to It
When I should be holding on to you.

© ALB 2003

Obviously I wrote this a long time ago... but I know many of you understand this mental battle... this being at odds with your good self and the eating disorder. 
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