Ari's comment gave me the bumper sticker idea of the week: "honor ambivalence"
Just the other day I was talking to someone about the complexities of life. We were talking about emotions and how most of the time we have myriad shades and hues of emotions simultaneously. It occurred to me that ambivalence is really just another example of complexity.
I realize in our culture, where we like black and white, clear and concise, definitive and finite, we often try to eliminate ambivalence. And for sure, people who have eating disorders don't love ambivalence- far too complicated and amorphous to deal with!
Maybe if we think of ambivalence as simply a complexity that exists, yet another emotional state we are hard-wired to experience, maybe then we won't be so freaked out by it. Maybe we could try to think of it as "normal" as opposed to pathological or something to be hated, feared or gotten rid of...?
Along this line of thinking, Ari, I'd say, don't sweat the ambivalence you find within yourself. Sounds like you are in the middle of a pile of work on yourself. Of course there's going to be ambivalence- along an assortment of all kinds of other things. That's to be expected. When we are involved in some of those "push" phases of work on ourselves, the last thing we need is to add on worrying about ambivalence to what we are already dealing with!