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...and we have liftoff...

Posted Aug 26 2008 4:05pm
Well, kids. It's the day we've all been waiting for. Alli (pronounced al -EYE), the new over-the-counter diet pill has now been launched.



Are you ready for oily, orange discharge from your rectum?



Mmmm - boy!



See, the marketing of this product is so ingenuous, I almost have to stand back and admire it. The little section in the newest supermarket ad says: This weight loss plan can't change your life. But you can. "



Damn, that's slick. If you succeed at losing weight, Alli gets the credit. Thanks, Alli, I couldn't have done it without you. However, if you are unable to lose weight (and then keep it off), it's your problem. You didn't take control, you didn't have the willpower. For GlaxoSmithKline , it's a win-win situation. If you gain weight after going off the pills? Go back on them. And remember never to stop.



I trolled the Alli Support Message Boards to see of any "discharge incidents" that had occurred thus far. They were, as I expected, rather easy to find. The experience that best captured the "Alli- ooops !" was the following:



I am really excited to have this product over the counter. I was in the clinical trials years ago and lost X lbs in 2 months. I kept it off for years until I got off my food plan and quit walking.



I can tell you that my first experience in trying to cheat on this pill was very embarrassing! I went out to eat Japanese stir fry and had my first "accident" - (shall we call it "Alli- opps " now?) before I could get home. I had uncontrollable

oily seepage...It looks just like spagetti grease for those of you

who are curious.



You cannot get it out of your clothes so I would encourge you to use a panty liner until you find out how you react to the medication. If you are sitting down, whatever you are sitting on will be stained. . so be careful.



On the other hand, if you stay on tract w/your food plan (low fat) you will not have any problems...or at least I didn't. Occassional gas but I learned when I could pass it (on the toilet)!

Another tip - get a bottle of Grease Release and keep it next to the toilet so that you can spray the bowl after each bowel movement... gets rid of the grease line.



Bottom line. it is kind of like Antibuse for the alcoholic... if you don't eat too much fat you will be ok but if you do, you will pay w/ unpleasant side effects.



I LOVE IT





The subsequent posts thanked this woman for her tips and bespoke similar excitement over taking Alli. One woman said, "I can't wait to start losing it!"



Rewind here. You get spaghetti stains on your ass, you have to degrease your toilet bowl each time you poop , and this is a great product. Oh, and it's your fault you gained the weight back because you stopped with "The Plan." Capital T, Capital P.



Those snake oil salesmen don't have a thing on GSK . On the message boards, they even have a section called "Are you Ready?" This is one of this most insidious aspects of their marketing scheme. If you don't lose weight the first time, or you can't stick with it, you just...weren't ready. Presumably, if you take the pills again, you will be ready. If they work, that is. If you continue to be unable to lose weight, or to gain back the weight you lost, you still just weren't ready. The pills are there waiting for you. Whenever you're ready.



(This almost sounds like an ad for Cialis ...so you can do it when you feel like it)



My first reaction to the hubbub was at the gullibility of women in general to purchase a product such as Alli. I mean, geez .



Not to call myself one of the enlightened few or anything, but most people don't know that any dangers of obesity are totally overstated. Or bald-faced lies. Women (and men) are judged on their appearance. Perhaps not only their appearances, but that is a factor. We are being brainwashed to be afraid of fat, fat people, fat in our diets, fat on our own bodies. Fat is the lining of our cells. Fat is our energy reserve. Fat tastes good, dammit!



Fat is on our bodies.



Fat should not be discharged from our anuses ( anii ?) in an orange goo.



Insurance companies will likely reward people for using Alli, or other weight loss products, by penalizing those who don't. Or so read a newspaper headline I read this morning in the major city newspaper I get. Apparently, if you don't shape up and slim down, your health insurance copays will be increased.



My first thought was: is this The Onion? After the dismay upon realizing it wasn't: the whole world's gone completely insane!



I have issues with the way health insurance is handled in this country in general, but this really got to me.



Blue Cross still refuses to pay a DIME of my seven month residential stay. STILL. After almost a year after discharge (not that kind of discharge!). I was dying of an eating disorder. It could be diagnosed.



Obesity, as Harriet Brown pointed out in a recent blog post , has yet to be confirmed as a real health problem. Yet Blue Cross is going to subsidize weight loss regimens of little proven benefit and penalize those who regain lost weight. As most people do.



Those thindustry people. I can't help but think how much good they could do the world if they used their powers for good, instead of evil.



I have the sinking feeling we'll never find out. Perhaps because they, too, will be scrubbing foul-smelling oily residue out of their toilets.
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