All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.
That was one of my favorite quotes as a young child, especially during my acting days. When I was a young child, one of my summer activities was a youth acting camp. I don't remember that much about the camp, but I must have enjoyed it. After that, I had the preconceived idea I would be a star actress one day, playing in movies, television or even Broadway. My parents went along with this idea and always told me how I was such a good little actress.
In elementary and middle school, I still enjoyed acting and played several different roles. In high school, I no longer auditioned for roles but helped out with sets every once in awhile. I found myself enjoying the "drama" crew, but at the same time, never really fitting in to the clique.
In my senior year of high school, the well known local teen theater put on a production of the musical "Tommy." I didn't audition for an acting/singing (horrible singer) part but rather a dancing part and was one of the good "spirit" entities of the young Tommy if you want to call it that. That production was probably one of the highlights of my entire high school career. I remember the director whom I had known through the youth acting camp tell my mother it was like coming "full circle," having known me as a young girl, learning about America to then a teenager, about to leave for college.
Anyway, I was reminded of my literal acting days after I read this blog post, asking if you are the star of your own life. Lynch, a performance coach, says:
You may feel as if you're a supporting character, randomly re-acting to circumstances beyond your control, but the truth is you are here, the play is going on and no one, including the most powerful 'characters' around you, have any more foreknowledge past what the very next line might be. So, in the play that happens today, you might as well be thestar.
This is sometimes easier said than done. After all, which is easier: to be the bride or the bridesmaid? Personally, this has been a difficult thing for me. For much of my life, I've wanted to be the "bride," but yet, had a fear of being in the spotlight too. However, at the same time, I didn't always want to be stuck being the bridesmaid either. It felt like a no-win situation. So in essence, it seems like I'd easily want to be the star of my own life. But that too feels hard.
What Lynch says in his post is very inspiring, truthful, and offers a great metaphor for life. I guess I'm wishing I could think along those lines or really apply this to myself.
Then, I think of the role of the eating disorder in life and how well, in some sort of sense I became this great actress. After my terrible teen and early college years with ED, everyone thought I was past it, that it just went poof, and went away. At least this seemed the thinking of my father. And so after awhile, it felt easier to go along with that than to actually say how much I still struggled. Even to this day, it continues to only be spoken in a past tense.
My mom, on the other hand, may have some hints, but again doesn't press the issue. Our conversation last weekend went more like:
Mom: Well, your pantry looks a little bare. Me: Really, I didn't think so.
After grocery shopping:
Me: Thank you for buying groceries. Mom: Well, I just wanted to do my part. I know the dogs will eat well, but I don't know about you. But you have to eat to run. Me: Yeah, I guess.
And so the acting goes on.
So, do you feel like you are the star of your own life? Do you feel like you are an impostor or that you are always acting?
Note:--*This post was kind of everywhere with many different thoughts. Hopefully, you can suss through it all.