I'm glad, Courtney, that you are beginning to "see some good things" again. I know how frustrating it is when, no matter how hard they try, someone can't come up with anything that's good.
It may seem strange that that happens. I mean, the good things are still there- they don't suddenly cease to exist. So, why can't they be remembered all the time?
There's a weird kind of "sort of amnesia" that happens when people get into the dark places an eating disorder (and other things too- like depression and anxiety) can take you.
People become disconnected, from others, and from themselves. And when you get disconnected you don't have access to information that you do have access to when you're not disconnected.
The information is always there- it's your level of connection to yourself that changes. The information is always there to be accessed, it's just that the key to access is a connection with yourself. If you're disconnected enough, at that point you don't hold the key.
When you can't access true and thorough information, you can easily panic. After all, the data you need to reassure yourself that things are ok seem to have suddenly vanished. Once you start to panic, things can go south very quickly. And when things go south life can look awfully bleak, and scary, and empty.
Of course, the key to all of this is to work to stay connected to yourself all the time. Because, when we are connected to ourselves we have access to all that true, accurate, and full data.
It sounds like, Courtney, that perhaps you've made it back to yourself.