Today, marks a new week for all of us, to work our programs to the best of our abilities and learn something new about ourselves. Last week was a really difficult week for me, in that my food was out of control, because of the events that were taking place. I guess, I let people, places and things affect me, before the food program of my choice. Life can get really intense at times and since people, places and things can seem so overpowering at times, that I neglected to take care of MY health needs. I have been empathic all of my life and peoples emotions have always been a bit overpowering to me. Becaue of this, I went to food for comfort. Food doesn't have any emotion.. It tastes good, keeps me company and there is usually plenty of it to access. I know that as a child, I used food as comfort, when I had access to it. I can remember sometimes in the evening after a crazy day with siblings, and I would be able to stay up later then my siblings, I would get a sleeve of salted crackers and eat the whole thing. I wasn't allowed a lot of sweets as a child, but when we did have them, I enjoyed them immensely. Had this feeling of never wanting to stop eating the sweet. When I became about 11 years old, we moved to the city, and I had direct access to getting my own stash of food, more easily. Most often the food was used as a stress reliever. It was acceptable to go out with your friends to the ice cream parlor for something cold and sweet, or to go the corner drug store for something sweet. So this habit of eating impulsively because of stress or to be stressful, has been with me a long time. I am finding that every addiction starts off being a habit and ends up becoming a pattern of destructive coping skill. There are many, that are able to eat whatever they need like a square of something sweet and then put it away and not bother with it for another month. Sugar, flour and wheat affect others differently. It is a biochemical reaction to the substances, which means you are born with this. By becoming aware of this fact,it can help us to find recovery. I need to feel the acceptance of this fact and move toward my recovery. Sometimes, I feel as though I am two people. One that understands what the Food addiction is all about and the other who is having a hard time with the food, and having trouble coping with all of this. I guess it can be overwhelming, but I know that I can find recovery. Last week, I spoke of ways to not go to the food while I am at home. This week I need to find ways to cope with the food when I am shopping, at the bookstore, at others home for a meal, traveling, on my way home from work. One of the most difficult times I have for dealing with the food is when I am driving home from work, which I have spoken of before. Its like the stress that went on for the day comes to a head and I react destructively, by eating surgar flour products on the way home, from work, I need to find different ways to deal with the this. I have come up with a few.
Have something to eat in the car, like a piece of fruit
Have something I really like waiting for me at home.
Start making dinner earlier
Be focused in coming straight home
Go for a walk when I get home
Listening to relaxing music on the way home
calling a friend
Waiting ten minutes, and not acting impulsive
I have found out the hard way that food addicition doesn't go away when the weight is lost and in recovery. It is still there, especially when that first bite has been taken again after however long you have been in recovery. Its a scarey thought, but it is the truth. This week I plan to be really concious of the times I am out of the house and wanting something to eat. Please feel free to share your ideas. I wish everyone a great week and look forward to hearing your shares.