this morning i was browsing around food blogs and i found one that has a link to a section she calls 30 days of self love . now this seems amazing to me, and it also came a perfect time for me. yesterday i picked up the purpose driven life, which i had started to read in arizona then abandoned. lately it seems that the voice telling me to pursue thinness and restrict has been stronger than it had been, and i know this is because i'm worried about going back to school. after all, "fat" is not a feeling, no matter how much us women like to pretend it is. it's much easier to say "I FEEL FAT!" than "i feel lonely" or "i'm scared of being rejected" or anything like that. fat is a facade, and thinness is the ever elusive answer we seek. the problem is, it's a lie, all the promises we hear when we tell ourselves that losing weight will make everything lie. it's a trap. instead of chasing a solution, why not realize we ARE the solution? and what better way to do this than by self love? so this morning as i stumbled upon this, i smiled and thought "hey, this looks like something for me!" so here is day one: confidence
the first post asks two things: reflect on confidence and what you have to offer, and what do you have to be confident about? if you'd asked me this six months ago, i wouldn't have been able to say anything. it amazes me now that i can!
what do i have to offer? well, i have ears that don't just listen but hear. i have a mouth to offer kind words, support, encouragement, praise, love, prayers. lips that can worship and praise God. i'm a smart girl, i can help others both through my own experiences, and the wisdom i've acquired through all my schooling. i'm great in the kitchen, and i've on multiple occasions helped my friends learn how to cook, or maybe them some kind of baked good for a special event such as birthdays or graduations. i can offer hugs and hand squeezes and high fives. i can offer myself in service to others, i can offer my hands to help, i can offer myself to the glory of God. i can give hope to others because i am a survivor! i am young, i am able to help my grandma with the things her age prohibits her from doing. and all these things are things i can be confident about!
so often we look at our bodies as a way of showing the world who we are, but that couldn't be further from a true representation of ourselves. we HAVE a body, but we ARE a soul and a spirit and our unique, and wonderful personalities. so it doesn't matter if i'm confident about my body, because i know there are many other things that i have to feel good about. i'm funny, i'm kind, i can be outgoing, i love to help and listen and make others laugh. i'm confident about my penchant for learning, my eagerness to get everything i can out of this world. i'm confident in my ability to succeed, my determination and drive, and my own resolve to do whatever i set my mind to. now if all this isn't encouraging, then i don't know what is? this is the armor i take up when i hear the voices telling me not to finish my meal, to cut out a serving of something, to stop before i'm satisfied. because my health is one of my most prized possessions, and something i am totally unwilling to sacrifice!