When I am having a hard time with my addiction recovery for some reason I start to think that it is always hard, that I’m always struggling. Then I take a look at some of my previous posts and I realize…no I have had just as many easy and harmonious times as I have difficult times.
Ebbs and Flows is the best description relating to addiction recovery that I have heard in a long time. It was written to me by Scout in a comment that she had made to one of my posts over at The Discovering Alcoholic’s site.
My post was about my current feeling of loneliness and the fact that I thought being disconnected from my higher power was the main factor behind this feeling. Scout explained that her connection to G-d also ebbs and flows. Just reading that made me start to feel better. I guess it was that whole “identifying” thing at play.
Reading some older posts on my site and also from reading fellow addicts sites I can see just how true this whole ebb and flow thing really is. It doesn’t necessarily just have to do with my connection with G-d. It has more to do with my happiness and peace of mind within addiction recovery.
Sometimes I let myself get overwhelmed with the thought of spending the rest of my life trying not to relapse and thinking about all the work that goes into living a good life and being a good person. I feel blah and kind of boring. I feel that the pink cloud I originally walked around in has dropped me in the land of the gray. I examine my thoughts and behaviors and instead of accepting imperfections I think of myself as weird… this is when my addiction recovery ebbs.
Other times I am connected to my higher power, I’m able to take things Twenty-four hours a day without struggling to do so. I have peace of mind which to me equals happiness. I can laugh and have a good time. I’m not walking around in a pink cloud but I’m seeing life with all of it’s vivid colors. I seem to be right where I need to be on my road to recovery… this is when my addiction recovery flows.
What Have I Learned From All This?
And so realizing this, what have I learned? Well I will tell you. I have learned what countless other addicts and alcoholics have already learned. They have even tried to pass on their wisdom about this subject in the form of a catchy saying (we all know how much I love to spew out these addiction recovery sayings) “This too shall pass”.
Boom! It seems so simple and kind of common sense. I have said it to other people before, why didn’t it dawn on me to apply this to myself? Do I have to learn every single thing in life the hard way? It’s really starting to look that way.
Just in case you have not noticed from my writing…my addiction recovery is once again flowing. I got over the hump and did so in a way that allows me to feel good about myself. I didn’t allow myself to use…I hung on by the skin of my teeth and I made it through. I guess it’s at the toughest times when you really see how far along the road of recovery you have really come.