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My Ability to Share My Feelings is Dwindling

Posted Dec 22 2009 10:02pm

I'm sitting here thinking: what happened to the girl that would sit in a room full of strangers and talk about her problems and inner thoughts? Even as uncomfortable as it would feel sometimes, I would be completely honest about what was going on inside of me with strangers. So why am I finding it harder and harder to talk to anyone these days?

Hmmmmm. Secrets, secrets, secrets... they do a number on you. Not too long ago I wrote a post about how we are only as sick as our secrets. In that post I talked about how fucked up my family was with all their secrets and how I wasn't going along with that anymore. So what happened?

For me it started with that familiar voice inside my head that says "you know, I'm just not going to deal with this right now". Like anything is ever that easy right? Something is making me feel bad and I say... "naaaa, I'm just going to put that aside". Never a good idea. It doesn't work.

So now instead of having the normal amount of problems for the day, I have a back up of problems from days past that weren't addressed. Do you mean to say that living in denial of problems DOESN'T make them go away? :) Who would have thunk it? Silly, silly Erin.

It's not like my problems are any different from anyone else's out there. So why do I think that I will be judged negatively if I talk about them? Marriage, family, money... we all pretty much got the same shit going on right? Sure things get complicated and a little messy but that is life. You make mistakes, you get lost, you find yourself again and that is pretty much the pattern you follow throughout life.

I gotta start remembering that life is like baseball, errors are expected. It's ok... there is no perfection to strive for. I'm not a bad person because I make mistakes and I should feel comfortable talking about those mistakes with others.

Yeah... I'm working on it.

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