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Love Letter To Mr

Posted Jul 28 2008 8:14pm
Sunday, Maddy & Mr at The Pictures, 17/08

Resting my head, I felt your shoulders tighten as you laughed, your breath warm against the rise and fall of your generous chest. Looking down at me, you flashed me your wonderfully cheeky smile, little teeth glowing like neon milk bottles against the bluish eve of the cinema. Our first Sunday to ourselves had flowed beautifully, starting from the sleepy kisses between the tangle of bedsheets, the gentle tingle of morning sun on the nape of my neck whilst we waited for our Breakfast orders, our feet entwined like highschoolers. It was you who leaned in conspiratorily and joked about something silly yet personal, my donkey guffaws barely concealed behind feeble sections of the Weekender; mine - Entertainment and your's - Sports.

You even try to enjoy shopping, but you will need to keep up the habit as it really is better when you can afford the clothes ! Ha, you stifled a wry smile when I agonised over buying a Nike blazer for you (Yes dear, I circled the store to sneak it past you, not to view the clogs as I claimed, trust me the purchase of nike sandals would only ever be a ruse; I really think they are gross.) However, I wasn't sure Nike had cleared up the whole "child labour" controversy or whether it was an urban legend, fodder for one of the many fwd's crazy Aunt Coleen insists upon sending us. Empty handed but morally triumphant, we left the store and you let me choose the movie (After I raised a particularly spirited case against CGI films (10,000 bc)

n.b - Unfortunately, my choice turned out to be a stinking turd anyway, but you never mentioned it of course, just one of the things I love about you.

Now, in the cool, darkness of the Cinema, we rest contented. Flushed from the flower of your attentions, I cocooned myself in the fleshy warmth of your chest, desperate to keep my "naughty" thoughts from flickering into fire. Disgruntled viewers fidgeted on both sides of me, clearly non plussed by the film also, so I half heartedly focus on the onscreen action and the clearly impressive yet definately impossible car chase instead. Sweet sigh.

Playfully, I kissed you, then waited a beat. Then, I kissed you again, this time with "that" look in my eye. You know the one.

Your eyebrow cocked, a sly smile playing over your lips. Mission Accomplished, I thought.

Coquettishely, I gave a little whimper for added effect, whilst I wriggled a little urgently, definately more deliberately brushing your groin. Granted, I was being very active in the retrieval of those errant m&m's for not so holy reasons, I confess. It was all very entertaining.

I could ask my readership, but I am quite sure that there is something erotic brought about a filling the time when stuck with a boring movie, it just makes me a tad "playful" - you know?

Instead, you patted my leg and murmured something about "later"..Luckily, I know you always collect.

Ten more wriggles went unoticed before finally the credits rolled.

I hope you weren't too mortified when I actually yelled out "BOO - I want my money back" simply because you always read about "disgruntled movie-goers" yet they seem as elusive as Bigfoot?

I've always wondered if I started to boo, would other people boo. I have started various clapping at end's of movies but probably because they feel sorry for the simple girl clapping on her own.

Regardless, I hope I make it onto some snarky movie critic's blog.

"Movie goer's yowled in repugnant distaste etc, etc. Note: I've always wanted to "yowl".

p.s (you teased me later that I'd sabotaged my own lusty plan by picking the seats in the middle, visable to all and sundry, but Hell, I didn't know I wanted to do it then did I ?! ) Next time, I shall plan our seating with more devious consideration, rest assured.


Thank you for a wonderful date, I really enjoyed myself and I felt so fancy free, I almost came home and started to fashion outfits from the drapes and bake mountains of tea cakes but instead, well, you know what happened. That was very special too, perhaps one time I will write something that could do that afternoon justice, but for now, I am keeping it for me and only me.

Thank you.

*I should add to our readers that contrary to seeming like I am alluding to the digusting thought of two surburbanites humping each other stupid, the aforementioned "sweet moment" was actually a beautiful massage and some tender loving words. I know, lame. No hardcore today, sorry.

I'm currently working through some intimacy barriers related to incest and sexual assertion (no, not insertion) and Mr is my intimacy partner, so this was one of those times. Sometimes we heal, sometimes we just bonk. So deal.

Anyway, I wanted to let you (mr, are you still reading along?)

know what I thought as I slided into a blissful sleep last night,

it may not make good reading for anyone else, but if you have ever loved or lost, then you should resonate with at least one phrase or two. For you, my darling...

Closing my eyes, I rested against your sidelong shape, lulled by my heartbeat still pumping with happiness - I think it could burst; oh I'm aware how dreadfully soppy this all must sound to most. But sometimes, mingling in a cacophony of cliches, you'll find a single chord of miraclous melody, rising from a heart you once feared tuneless.

Too soon is a memory I have of a harder winter, two young lovers wanting an impossible dream to harvest, my happiness always just one more season away. Lonely in many embraces, I wondered if you ever could be. You fluttered through my fingertips, and I dare not close my hand for I feared that I would crush the very feather of you, and your sweet interest. I settled for grey skies when I could no longer see gold. Lost for trying so hard, trapped in never-come-true land with boys who could never find me, for I was deep in a valley, fallen from a tree, within a wilted flower, inside a gentle bud to yeild it's most precious seed.

But. Every delicious footstep further on the young forest floor, comes only after a trek of pain and ache through a thousand waylaid steps. If my memory was a map, of how I came to this fortune of you, then I fear the road is long and hard for everyone else, like all true beauty knows.

For I'm not lucky until now sweet friend, I've leant on tear stained windowsills, the stars above such old and wise sages to all my sorrowful tales. I've gone back for one more, I've looked for more fish in such an old, tired sea. Can I make it last forever?, I wondered . I've forced myself to ask past loves if he loved me any more, I've also replied a lie of yes and I've felt the horror of No.

So, I'm no princess, I come to you now like a lost solider from a broken-hearted army.

Even though I try more than most females to be level headed, I've packed many a mindless suitcase, chased his bus in the pouring rain, walked off the plane and said never, never again. I've wrote till the bones ache and the word's blur, I've played that song again, again, again so it can never be heard. I've handed back the cd's, farewell, so long. But I'll always have the sweater and know "our special song". This is not meant to rhyme! Sweet love, I've gone Lower than loneliness goes, I've been bitter and black. I've had a burst of spirit, I've turned on a heel and never looked back. (ok maybe I am being cheeky now) When I say you are everything new and bright, I'm not so good and most probably we are both with our imperfections.

But it is so nice to be loved anyway.

As you know I've caught the cheating and been the hideous caught. I've seen a lover's face everywhere and nowhere once again, all in one day. My cheeks stung when I saw The Other Woman, my heart has broke when I saw how he looked at her, like he never looked at me. I've halted on the goodbye, so long, take care and I wish you all the best. I never dared to believe that I would be the one with my heart so full and sweet, so when you saw me, well I am ashamed of how broken I was.

Thank you for the water, the tenderness and love. I am now found.

Deep in a valley, fallen from a tree, within a wilted flower, inside a gentle bud to yeild it's most precious seed.

You see me and

I love you.


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