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I abused over the counter drugs ...

Posted Sep 29 2008 11:30pm

I abused over the counter drugs for many years. I used situations where I was “sick” to sleep days at a time away with the help of OTC drugs like NyQuil. Since I am no longer practicing this destructive behavior the question is now presented to me: I have a cold, what do I do?

It seems like such an asinine question. What do you mean what do you do? You ride it out just like the rest of the world. Why is that such a foreign concept to me? Why have I always felt the need to medicate myself to such a degree that I would sleep whole days away? Because I’m a drug addict.

In the days of active addiction I would use any excuse at all to medicate myself to the point of oblivion. I would actually be happy when I got a cold or something because it would give me a valid reason to take enough drugs to make myself sleep for hours during the day when I should actually be up taking care of business.

What do you mean take daytime cold medicine? I don’t think so. My body needs to be sleeping to recuperate. Sure. It’s funny to me now to think of all of the different excuses that I would come up with to take drugs. What is kind of scary was that I almost believed these lies. Almost…I still kind of had a bad feeling but it could easily be shoved off by rationalizing a little with myself.

So here I am with a stuffed up nose and a headache (thanks to my little darling boy). But here is an odd concept, I took some cold medicine to actually feel better and be able to do what needs to be done instead of taking tons of nighttime medicine and sleeping the day away. It’s becoming clear to me that I never used to want to feel better. If I felt better I would be expected to get up and do things. If I was sick, laying in bed all day was justified.

Sure having a cold sucks, but it’s not this life stopping ordeal which I have made it out to be in the past. Maybe I’m not running up to full speed but I’m still moving forward. The difference between my thinking now and my addictive thinking is that now I actually want to feel better. It is just one more small example to myself that my brain is healing and I’m on the road of addiction recovery.

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