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Happy Fourth Of July

Posted Mar 19 2010 8:17pm
Posted on March 19, 2010

Happy Fourth of July to everyone. I hope you have fun gathering with friends and family to celebrate our countries independence. Maybe catch a parade, have a cookout and wrap the day up with some fireworks. What could be better than that?

Last year's Fourth of July was a pretty difficult time for me. Being 6 months into my recovery, I was still filled with a lot of uncontrollable emotions that had been ignored for so long. I kind of had an emotionally draining day which left me looking for something... anything to make it stop. I guess that's why I popped a pill.

Last year on this day I was about 6 months into my recovery. On the morning of July fourth I had written a Happy Fourth of July post talking about what this holiday meant to me. All of the reminiscing had gotten me pretty down which should have been a red flag. But I didn't pay attention to my feelings and just went through the motions of the day.

When I had gotten home that night I headed straight into the bathroom, opened up the drawer, and took over the counter medication for no reason other than to fall into sleep without having to think about anything. For someone else this may not have been a big deal. For me? It was huge. I felt that I had relapsed .

I accpeted that I had screwed up, I looked at the situation very closely and tried to see where it began going wrong and I tried to learn something from that experience.

This Fourth of July I am in a very different place from last year. Sure, fireworks and parades can still get me choked up ( yeah, I don't know either) but I'm not feeling sad and depressed about "the good old days". I'm trying to live in the moment... not in the past.

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