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Christmas Already

Posted Oct 22 2008 6:56pm
Morning Lovelies,
I almost think I have enough blogs *the list is showing five* but I still think I need one more for my video blogs and my 30 stories from 30 years project. Basically I have wanted to make a documentry about my life since I was a little girl, when I first noticed that I could tell a wonderful story that could make people laugh, cry and ponder how all of this horrible shit (and that's what it was, nothing more and nothing less) could happen to one little person and she could still put a smile on her face and hope for better days. I love to hear that my writing has inspired someone, somewhere to have a fucking go. I commend you. Life, is fucking nuts.
Sometimes, I have a moment in the cold stark bipolar downtime and I realise that normal aint so normal anymore. I can't promise you I'm normal or anything close to that. I'm sick, but I'm also brilliant (for short bursts of time) and hillarious and it almost makes bipolar worthwhile, when your medicated and the mania can be contained. Without meds, I am not a pretty sight. I'm on effexor XR and honestly, if you are depressed or bipolar then these crazy pills will change you, you won't be a crying, screaming wreck and the doctors will exclaim that you are cured...but you are not. As well as taking away the bleeding sadness that leaks from your smelly, creaky limbs it also takes that rare pure bliss we sometimes experience, you know that pure excitement from living and living well at that? Hmm. How can I describe this joy...well I can only take the audience back to our teenage years as a big part of this joy is being niave to the pain of life and dissapointments that crowd into your life after 20.

The joy of perhaps going to your first concert and standing there in the darkness waiting for the main act to take the stage, the mammoth crowd jostling and swarming, like a dark seething ocean of limbs around you, the occasional squeal escapes and faces are momentarily lit, framed in time forever by a camera flash going off in the distance. On stage, you see the shadows first, barely making out the band as they crawl through the wires and slither into position like long grey alleycats. Beat. The Shimmer of the cymbals, warming up the crowd with it's golden wave of energy.
Somewhere above a steady bass drum, gives the crowd a heartbeat. The music almost druglike, sexlike, everyone is in such a mood. Like nothing matters but right now.
Fluid now, stage and crowd respond back to each other, the first time you ever heard so many people, cheering, whistling, like a thousand autumn leaves hitting the wind at once.
The hairs on the back of your neck prickle, you find yourself pumping your fists, adrenalin watering at the corner of your eyes then just when you think you cannot be teased a moment longer,


The lights blast over the stadium and screaming, crying fans are illuminated in the smoky blue light. Your mouth now agape, you force yourself to not blink as you take in the enormous stage.
Because after weeks of waiting there, there is your heroes, playing the best song on your best album in the best years of your life. And you don't know whether you want to dance or simply stare and absorb the closeness of your most loved idol. His makeup looks funny and at first you think the song sounds a little funny, but then you hear that riff, that verse and that!

Fuck, it's like they are playing it just for you..

Yeah, that kind of joy goes when you are on Effexor XR.. Unless you really are seeing Robert Smith in concert, like I was just describing. Share with me your favorite anecdote about a concert that you felt like I did. Who was it? How Much was your ticket? Leave your concert memories in the comments.
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