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Panic.....Round Two.....

Posted Aug 26 2008 12:56pm

Rhett's MRI/MRA is only 2 days away. Holy crap that snuck up on me fast. Didn't I just do all of this?

This is where they check his upper airway to find out exactly where he is obstructing when he decides that he doesn't need to breathe at night. Where they will look for any damage to his brain due to his overdose, and where they check for instability in his neck.

Ugh, I know this is nothing big, but it's right before Christmas, and I have thought once or twice of cancelling it. But then we would be put into January, and we have bad luck at that hospital in January and February, and we have to have the results of his MRI before we have our hearing on the 27th of February for our lawsuit.

So it will be done on Friday, and I am once again in panic mode . This never gets any easier does it?

I love this little boy so much, I wish he didn't have to be put through this crap all the time.

I am sick of all of it, I am sick of things coming up that stem back to the overdose, I am sick of feeling like I am neglecting my kids, and my husband who is in so much pain that all he does is sleep. I am sick of neglecting myself.

I can't help but think of the what if' in: What if last January never happened. We would still be in our old neighbor hood with our wonderful friends, we would not have so many damn doctors to go to, Rhett would be walking, like he was before everything happened, Andy would not have hurt his back because he would have been at a different job, and he wouldn't be battling depression. The chain of events from the overdose is just overwhelming.

Our new neighbors are nice, but we don't fit in. We live in a neighborhood full of doctors and lawyers and they have money coming out of their ears, their kids get anything they want, the moms invite me to joining their kickboxing classes...( HA! HA! HA!) The only way I keep my kids in clothes is by trading them in at consignment shops for bigger ones, if it weren't for consignment shops my kids would be walking around commando.

Well, I have gotten way off track, I guess I am just bitter tonight, I am entitled to that once in a while aren't I? There are so many people who are struggling worse than we are, and my heart goes out to them, because I know how bad it hurts .

As Friday creeps up on us, please keep my beautiful baby boy in your prayers that this is easy for him, and that there are no complications, and if you can also add good results in there, well, I am sure that he would thank you from the very bottom of his little mended heart.

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