It seems that all I am coming here with lately is bad news. I was luckily halfway to VT yesterday, visiting family in CT when I began to have some light bleeding. Being on the road and away from any semblance of a regular doctor (which really, I don't have much that is regular/routine in my life right now since we are the middle of a transition) I was told to go to the ER. Thank goodness my sister was able to take Georgia-- although poor Georgia has been having a hard time with all this transition, I could not have waited so long in the ER if my sister couldn't take her.
Long story shortened, the baby looks great. S/he is so formed! And moving around and looking right at me. The issue is that I have something called a subchorionic bleed which I gather is fairly common but can lead to worse things (i.e. miscarriage) if I do not take it easy and relax. I have been essentially put on bedrest. Alex drove down from VT and is working with his school schedule b/c I am not supposed to pick up Georgia either! The doctor essentially told me that I HAVE to get help and that he was not even happy about me driving to VT or MD by myself. I KNOW I couldn't do it and make sure Georgia is ok either.
Last night I had heavier bleeding and really freaked out. I called my VT OB who said that they should have warned me that because I had an internal U/S I would likely have more bleeding. They did NOT warn me so it was quite shocking. That is NOT a sight you want to see when you are pregnant. I am sorry if this is too much information, but I am so stressed and scared I need to get it out.
I have yet to stop bleeding. My VT OB told me that all I can do is relax and rest. I am only between 11 and 12 weeks so if anything is going to happen there is nothing I can do to stop it. My one solace is seeing that baby in there and his or her strong heartbeat and the fact that they said my cervix is closed.
Now it is just rest and wait and see and pray. I asked if I caused this from all the stress that has been going on with the move and the recent upheaval but Ihave been assured that this happens naturally. That this type of bleed is common and that while stress can make it worse it was already there, chances are at the time of implantation.
Of course, I am still feeling very guilty. I have been so stressed and anxious and honestly angry these last couple weeks that I feel like I have not been being good to myself or my body or this baby. I had an inclination something was going wrong over the weekend. I was having abdominal pain, thugh not severe and it almost just seemed like muscle pain, similar to last time I was pregnant. I also chalked it up to a rough week.
Now I am in a limbo. I am scared and sad. I really don't know how we are going to get everywhere we need to be, finalize things completely in VT, get back to MD, get my doctors in order (it seems we will have to petition to have MD coverage with our VT insurance since I LIVE down there), get unpacked, have Alex start his new job AND I am supposed to be on bedrest? I don't know for how long. But I want to save this baby. Most people we know obviously have jobs and/or their own commitments. Likely we will have to hire someone if this is an extended period of time. With a new mortgage, this is scary.
Anyhow. I have to stop thinking about everything at once. Right now it's one thing at a time.
I hate asking for help. I hate not being able to just do what I do everyday. To help Georgia or myself out.
Right now though, we could use some good thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate it.