Some days are hard. Just hard. Nothing seems to go right from sunup to sundown. There are kids not listening, or misbehaving, or even more fun… when they have behaviors that escalate throughout the day which serve as their own undoing (and mine!).
Sometimes I start the day refreshed from a good night’s sleep and ready to go. Other days I start after having woke every hour all night long with a fussy Delaina or Wesley needing to be repositioned, or Lynae needing to go to the bathroom, or Kristopher having a bad dream.
Some mornings I start the day behind, I can’t seem to get things going very quickly, and it feels like it’s late before I get going and doing everything that needs to be done.
Some days… I wish things were easier. That the kids were able to go to the bathroom by themselves, pick out their own clothes, put them on, and put their dirty clothes in the hamper. That they could pour some cereal and eat their breakfast. That they could all drink the same drink, even (at the moment we have 8 different drinks among the kids at breakfast and dinner by necessity). Sometimes I wish everyone could drink from a regular cup, that they could carry their dirty dishes to the sink, wipe their own faces, wash their own hands, and for that matter, their own butts and glasses too.
Age isn’t the factor, because my 3 yr old can do all of those things on her own or with minimal supervision and assistance. No, it’s not their age that prevents my children from being able to take care of the simplest of their own basic needs. It’s their disabilities.
Yep, there it is… I said it :). There are things my kids can’t do because they have Down syndrome, or cerebral palsy (or both… and autism!).
Some days I wonder what life would be like if we still had our many blessings, but if they also were able to do some of their own care. I wonder whether I’d feel less swamped, or whether I’d be bored.
When I have those days, those moments, and even just fleeting thoughts sometimes, they never last very long. Why is that? Why can something so overwhelming seem all encompassing one minute and so simple and obvious in another?
The answer is pretty clear to me. It is because I have been given a great gift. A gift which I couldn’t have asked for, can only receive. One which comes along with the blessing of knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I have an assurance of salvation. It is the working-out of the Spirit in me… it is the Fruit of the Spirit.
I wish I was able to better exemplify this Fruit. To show God’s fullness of Spirit in every way, and in every situation in my life. Reality is, though, that there are days I feel run down, beaten up, and I can’t think of a single reason or conjure up the desire to show these things. Days that I fail myself, my kids, and my husband. Times that, really, I don’t like the person that I am. But…
But, in the spirit of Thanksgiving… with the knowledge of Christ’s sacrifice for me… I stand back up straight, I look at my children (whom I love wholeheartedly, and despite those things that they cannot do for themselves, I do generally consider it a blessing to be ABLE to do those things for them!), and I remember with a thankful heart just how God formed our family and brought us together. Then, the Fruit of His Spirit can once again encompass my heart and life to keep on keeping on.
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gendleness, and Self Control. The Fruit of the Spirit. Given to us so we might also know the spirit of Thanksgiving. Thanking God for His sacrifice and the many gifts and blessings we have each and every day!