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Don't It Always Seem to Go That You Don't Know What You Got 'Til It's Gone...

Posted Oct 01 2010 12:00am

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1. I miss New England. There's no two ways about it. It's the place, the people, the very way of life. I don't know if I will ever shake it out of my bones. It is NOT helping that the inclusion practices in my beloved Vermont are....well...more or less The Norm!

2. Perhaps it's the season, but I have been reflective lately. Perhaps it's that I have had some alone time this weekend, too, but I think it's mostly the season. Life is so cyclical. It's bugging me out that my nephew is in high school. It was only yesterday, it seems that I shared a bedroom with him when he was two and I didn't know what I was going to do after college so I ran off to Alaska to live with my sister's family and make soap.

3. Sometimes it really bugs me out that I am not living the life I thought I would be while raising my children. We're not in the house I thought we'd be in, nor the place. Please know I have been trying harder than anything to make it work, to make it feel like home. Most of the time, though, I feel moorless. (Did I just make that word up?)

4. It seemed not too long ago that we could recreate our lives time and again fairly easily. Kids change that. Kids who have a slew of doctors and piles of paperwork complicate it more.

5. I don't want having children or a life encoded with acronyms to define entirely what we do or don't do if the reason we do or don't do things is because it's more complicated.

6. My gut is telling me all sorts of things. As is my heart.

7. I feel stuck.

8. Most days I can't even think about it. Not because I don't want to, but because my brain can't formulate the thoughts.

9. This is the ninth thing I am supposed to say.

10. Mostly...I wish I knew what to do. 


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