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Bad shoplifting strategy

Posted Aug 26 2008 12:00pm
I just returned from my last Christmas shopping trip. Really! It was a mini-loose ends trip, first thing in the morning. Target was stocking it's sadly depleted shelves and had lots and lots of staff with just a few customers milling around. Most of the customers were men. How predictable yes, but most were older and in good spirits, totally lost as to what they needed to be achieving. "There sure is lots of stuff here." on older guy said to me as he passed. He probably liked the days when smaller department stores had a limited stock , and therefore less to have to mull over.

I knew where I had to go and blew past the millers and mullers. I ended up at the pharmacy section, well the make-up section and was doing just a hint of mulling myself. I turned down one aisle to find a man about my age opening his 3 boxes of strawberries. When he spotted me he hurriedly started pushing the cart away, then resumed his business. It appeared he was making little nests in the strawberries for a few cosmetics. Now, I can say I have never shoplifted, but if I was inclined to take it up I would think the quick slight-of-hand into the pocket is where you would want to sharpen your skills. The snapping and crackling of the plastic fruit trays draw a lot of attention. No one fiddles with their grocery packaging in the cosmetic department. Everyone knows those strawberries are sprayed to within an inch of their life and to never actually eat one without a thorough washing first. This guy was thinking he was being a smarty pants. He wanted the thrill of having the strawberries scanned at the till knowing there was a tube of Maybelline hidden inside.

And let's postulate as to why a 40 something man is trying to sticky finger the Wear Ever lip gloss. There are only two possibilities here, 1) His gal pal is getting some make-up that smells of strawberries this year or 2) he's cross dressing and terribly ashamed to admit it, preferring to do time than have anyone question him at the till.

As I wandered out of the section I noticed he was being tailed by the Target fuzz in an orange vest. I guess it was too early for the actual security guy with the actual badge to be the heavy, so they commandeered the cart man. It's one thing to be taken down by the Target cop, but how embarrassing to have to be apprehended by the cart corraller, still wearing the high visibility vest. Poor guy, I kinda feel sorry for him, and now someone is going to go without the new Christmas make-up.

Labels: Family adventures

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