It is incredible to think that eight years have passed since that crazy day that took so many lives, and so much from the rest of us. Growing up, I often heard grown-ups speaking of where they were at the time Kennedy was assisinated, and I am sure their parents had their own moment of rememberence. That day that changed your life forever. I am curious to know what other people remember on that day and how the knowledge unfolded in their day.
At this time I was commuting to UConn as I embarked on my final semester. As a part-time student, 22 years old, and care-free living with my parents, I had the luxury of sleeping in on this day. I have had a half dozen dreams in my life time that have stuck with me to this day, the earliest from when I was 4 years old and I drempt that all my family members were mosters from B-rated horror movies. Yes, Gramma, you were the witch! Dad, you were a short version of Frankenstein. ha ha.
On this day, Tuesday, September 11, 2009, I woke up from an aweful nightmare that was not about to end. My dream was that I was carrying twins. I just sort of had this feeling of always being pregnant in my dream even though this was clearly a unique experience to me. I was so happy in my dream at the prospect of becoming a mother for the first time. My joy quickly faded when I delivered my children. One baby was born still and I was devestated. I hope to never learn the despair one accepts if this were to happen in real life, but for me, in this dream, it was so real. The other baby, a boy, was born of normal size, but at a developmental level of a teenager. He refused to speak to me, he refused to nurse of my breast, and he hated it when I held him. I wept and wept in my dream, why would my baby truly hate me? He was able to speak to strangers and appearently didn't need to eat. In sum, my own flesh and blood did not need me! This was truly such a nightmare.
I woke up around 10 am with this aweful feeling of despair and anxiety in my chest. I couldn't help but wonder about my ability to be a mother when and if the time came that I would be bleesed with such a miracle. Would my baby hate me right off the bat? Would I be able to nurish my own children naturally? Silly things for a 22 year old college student to feel, right?
Going through the typical motions of the morning felt distant to me, but I had a couple of errands to run so I tried as best I could to shake this feeling of despairation. My mother must have been out of the house as I am sure she would have told me what had occured if I ran into her. I just remember getting into my car, turning on the radio and hearing that the state of Connecticut was in a state of emergency. I seriously stopped my car and looked up at the sky once more to confirm that there was no blizzard going on in September. "State of emergency?" I said out loud, "What for, there is no inclement weather. The sky is perfectly clear." Up until this date, I had only known for that message to go out during a serious Nor' easter blizzard. I continued to listen on my drive to the pharmacy. Nothing specific was announced on air, so my confusion grew. I went into the store and bought what I needed. When I got back into the car, the details finally unfolded for me. I don't even think I got out of the parking lot. "Why would people want to do this?" "How was I able to just go into a store and buy something; what gives me the right to go on with my life 'business as usual' when so much tragedy transpired?" I was sobbing in my vehicle. This was really just too much.
For the rest of the day, I sat glued to the television, never desensitized to the horrific images. Class the next day was a blur and as the weeks followed, hundreds and thousands of flags everywhere demonstrated a unified sense of patriotism. The lives lost in the aftermath by the city workers furthered the tragedy. My father-in-law is a fireman for his town and they are such a brotherhood, that he felt like it was his family in the trenches.
Many of the lives lost that day were people going about their own normal day to day business. Many of them were about 130 miles from me. Please remember!! Say a prayer for those families that lost that day. Eight years is still not enough time to heal completely.