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To Hell With the Horse, I'm Just Gonna Walk From Now On

Posted Sep 14 2010 9:02pm
As many of you know, I have Crohn's.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  Lately, there have been mostly bad days.  I found out recently that Crohn's can do some really nifty things.  Like cause inflammation in your brain and mess with you neurologically like make the right side of your body a wee bit wonky.  Which is what is happening to me.  This is a bad thing. The kind of bad thing where doctors and nurses treat you just a little bit nicer, tests are scheduled faster, and people with name tags are patting you warmly on the shoulder.  
When I found out what Crohn's was currently up to my reaction was one of frustration and pure anger.  My thoughts were, "But, I was just getting back into the swing of things.  I was just doing things again.  I was having good days, dammit!"
I have decided this is the wrong attitude.
You see, up until now I sat around waiting for days when I didn't feel that bad to write, create, blog, and stay in contact with people.  When Crohn's would rear its ugly, bastard, head, I would sadly give in, step aside and wait for it to calm down. 
This leads to isolation and depression and frustration.  Not one of these things is a positive thing. 
Basically, I would just sit and wait until I could get back on the horse.  
I have come to a realization.  The whole horse thing is highly over-rated.   I am no longer going to wait around for a good day. I'm going to do what I can with the day that I have. I am going to be a walker for awhile. This isn't a bad thing, nor is it giving in.  It's using the assets I currently have available to me.  It's realizing that I am not useless or hopeless or incapable on bad days.  It means that many days I'll do a little less than I had hoped to do, but I'll do something and it will add up.  Each novel starts with just one word, a building with just one brick, and what ever other corny thing you would like to insert here.
Seriously, though, the trick is to keep on adding the next word or the next brick or what ever it is you are going for and having faith that it will get to where you want it to be.
Besides, as I have recently learned, going a little slower is a good thing in many cases.  And, while I'm walking along, I can take the time to scuff my feet through the leaves, found tiny purple flowers hidden in the grass, see sunlight glitter off of the trees, and so much else that I would miss if I were galloping along.    
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