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The Return

Posted Jun 15 2009 6:29pm

The past two weeks have been full and a wee bit over whelming and I often found myself wondering if there was some way I could self-induce a temporary coma. There are ways, but they are a wee bit risky and in some cases painful, so we decided to skip that and just ride out the storm like the big grown-up woman we are.
To fill you all in on absolute every thing in any kind of detail would take hours and lots of typing and would involve a novel length blog entry so we're going to do it all quick and clean.

1. I was finally upgraded to Blogger Beta which isn't beta any more. This is good, I was feeling so left out.

2. Yesterday I read two different blog entries on hair. PS and Doodlethoughts.

3. SafeT inspired me to brush up the old blog. I also blame him for the angst I am feeling over my new toy, the blogroll thing. Still working on that, now I have duplicates. If you see some one listed twice, I swear it's not because I like them better than you, it's because the blog roll thing hates me.

4. We have lost two of our older rats, Newton and Maggie, and our current rattie line up is; Otis, Zoe, Simon, Elliot, Olivia and Daisy. Who's a wee bit hysterical but we're working on that.

5. Scott retired out of the Air Force last Friday. It was a great ceremony and he's happy to be out after 24 years but it's a bit scary. I don't do well with great big changes and need time to adjust to them.

6. I finished my 20 weeks of treatments. They didn't work as well as they had hoped. Some of my numbers are still pretty low, but, my iron count is kickin'!

It's the last thing that made me really pull back and think things out. You see, I've been telling myself I'm going to get better. I've been thinking, "When I get better I will do this, and I will do that." or "I'll get around to that when I'm better."
I'm not going to get better. Oh, I'll be better off than I am now, sometimes, and other times I'll be worse. But I'm not going to be 'all-better'. This is it. This is my life and I have to accept it. Either that or I am going to end up never doing anything. Just waiting and waiting and never getting any where. This is unacceptable for me. So, I've made some decisions.

I've decided to go for quality over quantity. Now, don't panic, this doesn't mean I'm going to kick off in a week, a year or even a decade. I hope. It would really suck to make this whole decision and go through all of the twists and turns and then be taken out by an unexpected flying cow or something, wouldn't it?
What it does mean is that some of the medications I can chose to improve my life have certain side effects that can leave you open for massive infections, (they suppress your immune system so your body stops attacking itself) possible organ failure, in-grown toe nails, alien abduction and other inconveniences. On the other hand, they will also allow me to live a life that I can enjoy a lot more than I am enjoying it now. I'll actually be able to do things, well, more things than I am doing now. Extreme skiing is still out, but some day... I've also decided to be more open about alternative and new treatments.
And that's why I've been gone for so long. I needed to think, make some decisions, and get through the changes my family has been dealing with.
During all of this time, I have not been idle. I've found a new thing I like to do, completed some projects and pictures will be coming soon.

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