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Putting faeces to names

Posted Jun 03 2009 12:22am
I wonder if Paul Whiteman missed out on any Halloween parties because he thought he’d find it difficult without having a drink? Did Sophie Atkins decide against going to the fireworks display because there wouldn’t be any toilets nearby? Is David Offland sick and tired of being too exhausted after work to help his kids with their homework? Does Gill Palmieri use the public toilets down the road from her office because she thinks her colleagues will hear her if she uses the ones at work? Is Mike Wellum worried that his new girlfriend thinks he’s got a coke habit because he’s always nipping off to the toilet and is gone for ages? Is Beth Breton scared she’ll lose her husband because she finds sex a bit too uncomfortable? Does Joe Higman find it less embarrassing to just not go back into the lecture that he had to leave halfway through to go to the toilet? In the back of her mind is Angela Fenn afraid the baby she is carrying will grow up to have ulcerative colitis like her? For the first time in 18 months did Colin Howlett see blood in the toilet today? The Ulcerative Colitis UK petition now has 196 signatures. The names I used above were ‘borrowed’ from the list. 196 probably isn’t nearly enough to make a difference yet, but it is the biggest group of people affected by UC I’ve ever seen gathered in one place. Seeing all those names like that made me think a bit. Between them every British accent will be covered. There’ll be Brummies, Scousers, Geordies, Welsh, Glaswegians, Cockneys and maybe even someone from Nuneaton. Every faction of our ever-resilient class system will be fully represented. I did note there were one or two double-barrelled names adding an air of grandeur to the list (evening, m’am.) There will be florists, roofers, accountants, IT people, call centre workers, shopkeepers, plumbers, drivers, sales people and managing directors, but probably no Punch and Judy professors. Different people from different walks of life. You can be a cabbie from Tooting or a member of the Royal Family ulcerative colitis doesn’t appear to be choosey. Names on a list. People with lives. People like you and me.
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