There are 13 tracks available in the iTunes Store with colostomy in the title. In the history of popular music gastric surgery is a subject songwriters have largely ignored in favour of perhaps more universal themes, like love and sex. So it’s good to see there are a few artists out there who are willing to tackle material that is not so obviously commercial. These are musicians who aren’t afraid to zig when the rest of the world zags. These are sonic pioneers at the coalface of a thus far unmined seam. These are visionaries who can see lyrical potential where others just see a surgical procedure. Lennon, Dylan, Cohen, Drake, Buckley, Barlow, yes, they’ve written a few decent songs, yes they’ve pushed the boundaries and broke new ground, but in my opinion they all fall short of greatness, they are not worthy of the genius tag, because for my money only a true genius would write a song about a colostomy bag. And that, pop fans, is where Lennon, Dylan, Cohen, Drake, Buckley and Barlow messed up. Bloody idiots. Especially that Buckley.
So in Jools Holland shouty stylee may I present to you the great and underrated Bargain Music with their stone cold classic, Colostomy Bag.