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Leanne stole my cellphone the ot ...

Posted Nov 04 2009 10:04pm

Leanne stole my cellphone the other day.  I don’t remember why, but she does this from time to time.  I think she’s trying to check up on me, but I can prove nothing.

She decided it would be a great idea to download all the photos from my phone and have a perusal.  There were quite a few and almost all were uninteresting.  I usually pull out my cellphone to take a picture for only a few reasons:

  1. If I want to embarrass someone, or agitate someone with the threat of embarrassment. 
  2. If there’s something unexpected that happens which I might need photo evidence of later.
  3. If there’s something particularly asinine and/or ridiculous which I feel I need to remember.

I’m not that guy who wants to take pictures all the time.  Maybe it’s because I’m not particularly photogenic myself.  So I have decided to take a few of the photos I’ve taken since getting the phone a couple years ago and give a guided tour.  I apologize in advance to anyone, for anything.

Yellow never was my colour

Yellow never was my colour

Nov.6, 2007:  Such a horrible photo.  This is the first photo I took on my phone; it does not bode well.  Why am I dressed like I’m on a construction site?  Because Rona likes semi-skilled trainees to run around their not-so-completed buildings.  See, Leanne was a little confused.  She didn’t understand why I, a freshly hired Rona customer service employee, was getting up at 6:30 to go to work at a store that didn’t really exist yet.  Neither did I, for that matter.  It was awkward to say the least.  Not because I had to do anything that actually required skill, but because I only worked one morning a week.  This meant that every week everyone else had forgotten who I was.  To prove to Leanne that I wasn’t just making this stuff up, I took a picture of myself in my clown costume in the Rona employees area.  You can tell by my face how awesome it was sweeping.  (Actually, in all fairness, the job was pretty okay once the store wasn’t a construction zone anymore.  Better than Home Depot, I think.  Down with the Orange Empire!)

"...and I looked, and behold a pale horse: and the name of the rider was Death..."

December 28, 2007:  This is Leanne at some of her sickest.  I wish I could blame the wild look in her eyes on the sickness.  Instead, I think it’s sugar.  This was taken at our annual (or is it annual anymore?) Christmas party.  It was fun.  I remember teasing a lot of my youth.  That humanish blur in the background is Father Larry.  Leanne and myself love that particular cassock he’s wearing because it’s his ‘casual Friday cassock’.  If anybody else understands what we mean, please make a comment. 

Besides that, there’s not much else of note in the photo.  It’s our church basement.  Kinda small, with delightful wood paneling.

"Everyone has a little captain in them"

December 31, 2007:  New Years in Kyle’s basement.  A kick a– time had by all.  By all, of course, I mean Leanne and James.  I think Chantel was there for a bit too, but that was after the exploding sheep movie, which kind of displaces any fuzzy memories with very concrete images of sheep devouring New Zealanders.  The plastic bag on the fridge seems to indicate that we had Indian food, but the pizza box looking things on the table seem to contradict that.  The only thing I can clearly identify is the green Loeb “Apostolic Fathers Volume I”.  That and James trying to imitate the Captain Morgan commercial.  To his credit, I think either Leanne and/or myself put him up to this.  Or maybe not.  Anyhoo, this is what I get to see on my cell every time James phones.  There were several other attempts, but this is the best by far.  I’m not sure why we asked him to do this, but it stuck, and both myself and Leanne tried to do the same every time we encountered a pirate or pirate-ish statue in Cuba.  None of those turned out either.

This would look a lot more pious if my thumb wasn't there

This would look a lot more pious if my thumb wasn' t there

January 5, 2008:  This is St. Seraphim of Sarov, and this guy is awesome.  Not only did he hand feed wild Russian bears, but he knelt on a rock for a thousand days!  Why do I have a picture of an icon of him on my cellphone?  Actually, I don’t really remember.  I’m 90% certain that I was experimenting and trying to see how close I could take pictures before quality was distorted.  I figured Slavonic would distort easily and I was right.  Actually, this is the cover of a book which, I hope, makes it a little less bizarre.  Probably not.

Give him an inch...

Give him an inch...

February 23: 2008:  This blurry black mass is Father Richard.  He’s in Cranbrook now.  In case you can’t tell, he’s wearing a giant, deformed, black and white striped, Nightmare Before Christmas, stove pipe hat.  We’re at Lloyds Recreation rollerskate rink off MacLeod Trail for a youth event.  It smelled a lot worse than I remembered.  Kind of like… 20 year old cigarettes and feet.  I think my margin for error is pretty small on that one.  The kids were supposed to bring a crazy hat of some kind.  Ironically, hats weren’t allowed on the rink.  Fail.

I guess Ukrainians feed dogs as awesome as they feed me

I guess Ukrainians feed dogs as awesome as they feed me

March 29, 2008:   …sadly the dog devoured the boy shortly after.  Good God it was the largest dog I’ve ever seen!  This is at Fr. Richard’s new building for St. Aiden’s Orthodox.  At the time it was St. Mary’s Ukrainian Catholic church which now rents out their building.  Yeah… what more do you say… there was a huge, overweight dog.  I went out with the Padre to see the new building, I was very impressed by both the building and the wildlife.

My former slice of heaven

My former slice of heaven

May 5, 2008:  This was my desk.  It was under the stairs in a high traffic environment not conductive for work.  But it was mine.  It looks like I have two computers, but I actually don’t.  The one on the left had to be idle so the president could log in when he needed to.  The black things on the right end are broken tile which people decided to leave there.  The cleaning lady used to spray the plants above my desk and all my paper underneath would curl.  Here is a Haiku for the occasion:

My love, Unicrete
How  I hated your dust, but
I miss fun-lunches
Did I mention that I have 3 degrees?

Did I mention that I have 3 University degrees?

 

June 3, 2008:  This is Janine.  She’s one of the most brilliant people I have ever worked with, ever.  She’s also about to use a concrete saw to cut tile samples.  Had the occasion presented itself, we were both going to pose side by side, decked out in our complete array of Personal Protective Equipment (most of which you can see here) and hold up our University degrees.  Such a beautiful ironic moment lost.  She might have to get assistance, she has BA’s in English, Psychology as well as a Masters in English.  A little overqualified. 

"Here Be Dragons"

June 16, 2008:  This is a map of Calgary in Janine’s office (subsequently my office, and then Brad’s office) which outlines portions of the city allotted to different roofing contractors.  See, it was supposed to work like this:  Each quadrant of the city is divided into two equal chunks based on household numbers.  A contractor who would want to share marketing costs would select an area of the city to be ‘their’ area to market in.  No one area should, theoretically, be any better than another.  The North East is different, though.  The Socio-Economic group isn’t, hmm, how shall we say, concerned about having a premium roofing product on their homes.  The remainder is industrial parks.  So the conversation with Janine went something like this:

Kyle:  what about the north east?
Janine: we don’t want to target the north east
Kyle: so the north east is dead to us?
Janine: dead to us.
Kyle: hmmm, okay, nobody touches the north east, ever  *scribbles: ‘here be dragons’*

Janine got the joke.  Almost everyone else didn’t get it. 

Unless you want road rash, don't bump into this wall

Unless you want road rash, don' t bump into this wall

August 7, 2008:  This is my concrete tile wall.  This hallway leads to the coffee room and the bathrooms.  It was bare, so I was asked to…tile it?  Yup.  I dunno, it occupied me for a few days.  I didn’t ask questions. 

 

Please click for enhanced viewing

Please click for enhanced viewing

October 29, 2008:  This photo has a special place in my heart.  This photo is of the interior of the Marda Loop Registry.  We’re getting our marriage licence!  Accompanying us is Richard, my future godson (ask later).  I don’t know much about the man, dressed in black, in the above photo.  What I do know is that he had about 3 or 4 inches of crack showing.  He didn’t stay long.  He was like a wind, who blew in and out of our lives.  What was his name?  Why did he come?  Where was he going?  Did he feel a draft?  I don’t know, and I will always wonder.  As I stood there, with my future wife on my right, and right hands raised in the air swearing an oath of truthfulness to the young registrar employee and the old man’s crack proudly beaming to the world, I never felt so in love.  Leanne felt it important to forever memorialize this point in our lives so I snapped a picture discreetly. 

What's the plural of 'platypus'? :-)

What' s the plural of ' platypus' ? :-)

January 20, 2009:  These are the two girls I see most in my life.  The unfamiliar one is my video game buddy Magdalene (‘Maggie’ for short).  She lives upstairs and we love her.  I think the reasons are obvious.  She’s 6 now (not 5, don’t ever call her 5 ever!)  and is the daughter of our priest Fr. John and his wife Popodia Medea.  Very sadly, they’re moving away soon.  We’ll miss them.  We owe them a lot, especially banishing our fear of unfamiliar chickpea dishes.  I’m going to have to keep practicing my Wii boxing, lest that 6 year old hand me my dignity next time we meet in single combat. 

I have more, of course, which go right up to when Leanne was in hospital.  But it’s kind of late, and my enthusiasm is waning.  Besides, most of the others would probably earn me a healthy dose of social ostracism if I put them up.  It’s time to call it a night.

Leanne stole my cellphone the other day.  I don’t remember why, but she does this from time to time.  I think she’s trying to check up on me, but I can prove nothing.

She decided it would be a great idea to download all the photos from my phone and have a perusal.  There were quite a few and almost all were uninteresting.  I usually pull out my cellphone to take a picture for only a few reasons:

  1. If I want to embarrass someone, or agitate someone with the threat of embarrassment. 
  2. If there’s something unexpected that happens which I might need photo evidence of later.
  3. If there’s something particularly asinine and/or ridiculous which I feel I need to remember.

I’m not that guy who wants to take pictures all the time.  Maybe it’s because I’m not particularly photogenic myself.  So I have decided to take a few of the photos I’ve taken since getting the phone a couple years ago and give a guided tour.  I apologize in advance to anyone, for anything.

Yellow never was my colour

Yellow never was my colour

Nov.6, 2007:  Such a horrible photo.  This is the first photo I took on my phone; it does not bode well.  Why am I dressed like I’m on a construction site?  Because Rona likes semi-skilled trainees to run around their not-so-completed buildings.  See, Leanne was a little confused.  She didn’t understand why I, a freshly hired Rona customer service employee, was getting up at 6:30 to go to work at a store that didn’t really exist yet.  Neither did I, for that matter.  It was awkward to say the least.  Not because I had to do anything that actually required skill, but because I only worked one morning a week.  This meant that every week everyone else had forgotten who I was.  To prove to Leanne that I wasn’t just making this stuff up, I took a picture of myself in my clown costume in the Rona employees area.  You can tell by my face how awesome it was sweeping.  (Actually, in all fairness, the job was pretty okay once the store wasn’t a construction zone anymore.  Better than Home Depot, I think.  Down with the Orange Empire!)

"...and I looked, and behold a pale horse: and the name of the rider was Death..."

December 28, 2007:  This is Leanne at some of her sickest.  I wish I could blame the wild look in her eyes on the sickness.  Instead, I think it’s sugar.  This was taken at our annual (or is it annual anymore?) Christmas party.  It was fun.  I remember teasing a lot of my youth.  That humanish blur in the background is Father Larry.  Leanne and myself love that particular cassock he’s wearing because it’s his ‘casual Friday cassock’.  If anybody else understands what we mean, please make a comment. 

Besides that, there’s not much else of note in the photo.  It’s our church basement.  Kinda small, with delightful wood paneling.

"Everyone has a little captain in them"

December 31, 2007:  New Years in Kyle’s basement.  A kick a– time had by all.  By all, of course, I mean Leanne and James.  I think Chantel was there for a bit too, but that was after the exploding sheep movie, which kind of displaces any fuzzy memories with very concrete images of sheep devouring New Zealanders.  The plastic bag on the fridge seems to indicate that we had Indian food, but the pizza box looking things on the table seem to contradict that.  The only thing I can clearly identify is the green Loeb “Apostolic Fathers Volume I”.  That and James trying to imitate the Captain Morgan commercial.  To his credit, I think either Leanne and/or myself put him up to this.  Or maybe not.  Anyhoo, this is what I get to see on my cell every time James phones.  There were several other attempts, but this is the best by far.  I’m not sure why we asked him to do this, but it stuck, and both myself and Leanne tried to do the same every time we encountered a pirate or pirate-ish statue in Cuba.  None of those turned out either.

This would look a lot more pious if my thumb wasn't there

This would look a lot more pious if my thumb wasn' t there

January 5, 2008:  This is St. Seraphim of Sarov, and this guy is awesome.  Not only did he hand feed wild Russian bears, but he knelt on a rock for a thousand days!  Why do I have a picture of an icon of him on my cellphone?  Actually, I don’t really remember.  I’m 90% certain that I was experimenting and trying to see how close I could take pictures before quality was distorted.  I figured Slavonic would distort easily and I was right.  Actually, this is the cover of a book which, I hope, makes it a little less bizarre.  Probably not.

Give him an inch...

Give him an inch...

February 23: 2008:  This blurry black mass is Father Richard.  He’s in Cranbrook now.  In case you can’t tell, he’s wearing a giant, deformed, black and white striped, Nightmare Before Christmas, stove pipe hat.  We’re at Lloyds Recreation rollerskate rink off MacLeod Trail for a youth event.  It smelled a lot worse than I remembered.  Kind of like… 20 year old cigarettes and feet.  I think my margin for error is pretty small on that one.  The kids were supposed to bring a crazy hat of some kind.  Ironically, hats weren’t allowed on the rink.  Fail.

I guess Ukrainians feed dogs as awesome as they feed me

I guess Ukrainians feed dogs as awesome as they feed me

March 29, 2008:   …sadly the dog devoured the boy shortly after.  Good God it was the largest dog I’ve ever seen!  This is at Fr. Richard’s new building for St. Aiden’s Orthodox.  At the time it was St. Mary’s Ukrainian Catholic church which now rents out their building.  Yeah… what more do you say… there was a huge, overweight dog.  I went out with the Padre to see the new building, I was very impressed by both the building and the wildlife.

My former slice of heaven

My former slice of heaven

May 5, 2008:  This was my desk.  It was under the stairs in a high traffic environment not conductive for work.  But it was mine.  It looks like I have two computers, but I actually don’t.  The one on the left had to be idle so the president could log in when he needed to.  The black things on the right end are broken tile which people decided to leave there.  The cleaning lady used to spray the plants above my desk and all my paper underneath would curl.  Here is a Haiku for the occasion:

My love, Unicrete
How  I hated your dust, but
I miss fun-lunches
Did I mention that I have 3 degrees?

Did I mention that I have 3 University degrees?

 

June 3, 2008:  This is Janine.  She’s one of the most brilliant people I have ever worked with, ever.  She’s also about to use a concrete saw to cut tile samples.  Had the occasion presented itself, we were both going to pose side by side, decked out in our complete array of Personal Protective Equipment (most of which you can see here) and hold up our University degrees.  Such a beautiful ironic moment lost.  She might have to get assistance, she has BA’s in English, Psychology as well as a Masters in English.  A little overqualified. 

"Here Be Dragons"

June 16, 2008:  This is a map of Calgary in Janine’s office (subsequently my office, and then Brad’s office) which outlines portions of the city allotted to different roofing contractors.  See, it was supposed to work like this:  Each quadrant of the city is divided into two equal chunks based on household numbers.  A contractor who would want to share marketing costs would select an area of the city to be ‘their’ area to market in.  No one area should, theoretically, be any better than another.  The North East is different, though.  The Socio-Economic group isn’t, hmm, how shall we say, concerned about having a premium roofing product on their homes.  The remainder is industrial parks.  So the conversation with Janine went something like this:

Kyle:  what about the north east?
Janine: we don’t want to target the north east
Kyle: so the north east is dead to us?
Janine: dead to us.
Kyle: hmmm, okay, nobody touches the north east, ever  *scribbles: ‘here be dragons’*

Janine got the joke.  Almost everyone else didn’t get it. 

Unless you want road rash, don't bump into this wall

Unless you want road rash, don' t bump into this wall

August 7, 2008:  This is my concrete tile wall.  This hallway leads to the coffee room and the bathrooms.  It was bare, so I was asked to…tile it?  Yup.  I dunno, it occupied me for a few days.  I didn’t ask questions. 

 

Please click for enhanced viewing

Please click for enhanced viewing

October 29, 2008:  This photo has a special place in my heart.  This photo is of the interior of the Marda Loop Registry.  We’re getting our marriage licence!  Accompanying us is Richard, my future godson (ask later).  I don’t know much about the man, dressed in black, in the above photo.  What I do know is that he had about 3 or 4 inches of crack showing.  He didn’t stay long.  He was like a wind, who blew in and out of our lives.  What was his name?  Why did he come?  Where was he going?  Did he feel a draft?  I don’t know, and I will always wonder.  As I stood there, with my future wife on my right, and right hands raised in the air swearing an oath of truthfulness to the young registrar employee and the old man’s crack proudly beaming to the world, I never felt so in love.  Leanne felt it important to forever memorialize this point in our lives so I snapped a picture discreetly. 

What's the plural of 'platypus'? :-)

What' s the plural of ' platypus' ? :-)

January 20, 2009:  These are the two girls I see most in my life.  The unfamiliar one is my video game buddy Magdalene (‘Maggie’ for short).  She lives upstairs and we love her.  I think the reasons are obvious.  She’s 6 now (not 5, don’t ever call her 5 ever!)  and is the daughter of our priest Fr. John and his wife Popodia Medea.  Very sadly, they’re moving away soon.  We’ll miss them.  We owe them a lot, especially banishing our fear of unfamiliar chickpea dishes.  I’m going to have to keep practicing my Wii boxing, lest that 6 year old hand me my dignity next time we meet in single combat. 

I have more, of course, which go right up to when Leanne was in hospital.  But it’s kind of late, and my enthusiasm is waning.  Besides, most of the others would probably earn me a healthy dose of social ostracism if I put them up.  It’s time to call it a night.

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